I wrote a long comment that ended up being lost due to my app crashing. I’m too burnt out to write it all out again right now, but I wanted to leave something, even if brief.

My advice is to not do it. I looked into this myself due to chronic pain, and I concluded that even if I felt like I could manage the risk of dependence/tolerance if I were self medicating, that it would be impossible to do safely if buying stuff on the darknet.

Aside from it being hella expensive, there’s also the constant risk of the particular market you use going down, either due to law enforcement, or “exit scamming” — when a market or vendor plans to leave, but they continue accepting new money for a while, without sending out parcels/paying out to vendors.

If you find a market that you’re able to access, it isn’t a question of “if” it goes offline, but when. When it does go offline, you might be in a really tricky spot of struggling with withdrawal symptoms from not having access to your regular medication whilst you try to find a new alternative.

Even setting aside that problem, there’s the issue of finding a reliable vendor. Dark net markets function sort of like eBay, and you may have some trial and error finding someone who sells reliable stuff for a reasonable price. But even then, you need to be prepared for parcels to not reach you, and the anxiety of not knowing if you’ve been exit scammed; or for your regular vendor to temporarily pause taking new orders; or for them to just close their shop, never to return. Even medications that look legit might not be. There are reagent tests you can do to keep yourself a bit safer, but what would you realistically be able to do if the tramadol you had purchased showed up as negative for opioids, and you suspected they were just Xanax. Depending on the market and the manner in which you purchased them, you might be able to get your money back, but in the meantime, you would be without your medication.

If you go this route, it’s not a question of if your supply gets interrupted, but when. Honestly, you would be better served seeking proper medical care, privately. I’m guessing that if you have considered going private already, it’s not an option for you because it would be too expensive. Well trust me, it’s probably more reasonable than jumping down into this forsaken money pit.