Comment on Pride month
davidagain@lemmy.world 1 week agoI’m sorry, but if it boils down to you claiming that someone can have sex wherever and wherever they want because technically they could rape someone, and if your argument is that love comes harder because you can’t force anyone to love you, I absolutely come back to the we are NOT the same, and you are WRONG in more than one sense. Ready availability whenever and whenever of sex is for very attractive people and rapists. I’m neither. Stop trying to persuade me otherwise. You’re wrong.
I have a friend who explained how easy it was to get sex, and it didn’t even come close to involving rape, but no, no, that hinged on him being a different person to me physically and mentally. Surely if you were able to change yourself to be a different person physically and mentally it would be just as easy for you to find love.
Again, this is absolutely not about personal experience, and has nothing to do with that.
Well you made a universal claim that anyone can get sex any time any where, and I think that’s true only for a minority of people, and I was just using myself as a counterexample rather than arguing generalities because I absolutely am aware of where I sit in society and roughly how often and exactly where sex is available to me, and rather than admit that your massive overgeneralisation from your stud lifestyle is untrue, you argued with me that I was incorrect. About myself even. I’m not. You are.
Dyskolos@lemmy.zip 1 week ago
Repeating myself here, but just because you seem to struggle with an absolute and universal fact, because you project yourself personally into a, as you weirdly stated, doesn’t make it less valid.
And why do keep sticking to rape. It’s one of many possibilities to get laid. By money, by time and effort, by accident, luck or even forced means. Just because YOU couldn’t AND also live in some theocratic hellhole where one couldn’t even buy it, doesn’t mean the guy next door couldn’t. Or the majority of the world. Some rare exceptions where multiple points combine to a negative, does not invalidate a general rule. The larger part of a bell-curve sure can, in whatever way. Easier for some, harder for others, but possible. Otherwise I would wonder why earth is so crowded with us humans.
Finding real romantic love though. Can’t buy it. And it’s also that one single thing that gets worse the more money you have. Be rich, end up alone. Or fake being poor until you do. Also, for the vast majority of the world, this commodity is ultimately harder to find.
BTW, here health insurance even pays for a hooker for disabled people, should they be unable otherwise to find sex. Regularly. At it is a mental health issue. And there are even specially hired prostitutes of both sexes just for that. And if you’re too poor, then state pays for insurance and still get the hookers. So not even poor, ugly, disabled and being tiny would stop you. Love though, probably chances converge to zero.
davidagain@lemmy.world 1 week ago
You are absurdly cynical about the non existence of love. Most of us don’t have to pretend to be “poor enough” to find love, nor do we have the kind of funding to purchase sex “wherever and whenever” we feel like it. You talk like you’re wealthy and handsome like Brad Pitt that you think of women as golddiggers because they’re throwing themselves at you, and you’re so fucking PRIVILEGED that you don’t even believe that the vast majority of the rest of us don’t live like you when we tell you.
Most of us have roughly the same number of sexual partners as we find people who love us, because that’s how it works for ordinary men.
Dyskolos@lemmy.zip 1 week ago
And yet again you talk about you and me, while I simply made a point about the rarity of two commoditites compared. It doesn’t matter at all if I’m “brad Pitt” or not. It alters my personal abilities and won’t change the point. And you still totally fail to grasp the point at all. Having the options to find sex “whenever and whereever” doesn’t mean you get laid three times day. You COULD be laid. Or maybe not you because your country hates humans, but that is the exception in civilized worlds. Given enough money you probably also could, as laws are made for the poor.
Also I never ever said love is non-existant. It’s just nowhere being easier to find than sex as there is no option to buy or otherwise squire it without the other person actually feeling the same. Two people feeling the same for each other is ultimately more rare then two people just finding each other attractive enough to fuck.
It’s so simple. From love, sex will most likely always follow. From sex, love COULD follow.
You can dance around my or your personal ability likeever you want, it doesn’t change the facts. Just because logical arguments don’t fit into your personal experience, won’t change them.
Try visiting some of our train stations. You’ll have to actually fight off people offering you a blowjob for 5 bucks. Even broke as fuck you could afford that. If one would be inclined to exploit drug junkies.
davidagain@lemmy.world 1 week ago
For you, sex is freely available, wherever and whenever you want, money isn’t a problem, and you can just spend a little time on tinder and get some, but love and affection evades you because you’re unable to trust, worried that it’s your wealth or body rather than you as a person that they want. You are in the top quarter of the sex wealth. You don’t even realise it’s unusual.
For me, love and affection is freely available. My family love me, parents, siblings, wife, children, niblings. My friends and some colleagues freely offer affection and if I want a hug, I can get one, wherever and whenever. I’m rarely more than walking distance from someone who would gladly greet me with a hug. But for me, if I’m away from my bed, or my wife is unwell, or not really feeling like it, sex isn’t happening for me. So with me having a slightly higher libido than my wife, no, I don’t get sex wherever and whenever I want.
You can lecture me all you like about getting a blowjob on the tube or a visit to a theoretical brothel or turning me into a rapist, but they aren’t the sex I want, and certainly aren’t worth jeopardizing my marriage over. If I had the kind of level of interest in sex with me that you get from attractive women, maybe I would be more tempted to give up on the love I share with my wife, so I can’t claim to be virtuous, precisely because the opportunities you passionately believe I have or should have don’t actually exist.
One romantic partner, one sexual partner. That’s my world. Yours is one romantic partner, many sexual partners. You think my world is abnormal and your world is normal, and we disagree about that. We are not the same.
Maybe your life would be more full of love and affection if you spent more time on pouring out love and affection to others and less time getting as much sex as you like, but maybe women find you just as hard to trust that you wouldn’t go off for sex with someone else at any time, in any place, because of all that wealth and sexiness as you find it to trust them that they love you for you and not all that wealth and sexiness.
I really do like my life and love my family, and I wouldn’t trade, despite all the money and sex you appear to have. But it’s hard to feel terribly sorry for you, partly because of all the money and sex you have thrown freely at you, but mainly because you’ve been so unwilling to hear my perspective. Frankly, if you’re this dismissive with your romantic partners, I begin to see why love is so desperately elusive for you that you described the chances as vanishingly small.
If you really do want love and affection, work on the listening skills and the empathy thing, remembering that no one can hear “I love and value you as you are” at the same time as “you are factually incorrect about your life and completely wrong about how the world works”. Also women can’t offer you the love you seem to crave if it’s eating away at them that you seem to never fully trust in them.