Comment on If your significant other cheated on you, would you confront or attack the person they cheated with?

• Shimitar@downonthestreet.eu ⁨10⁩ ⁨hours⁩ ago

  What I mean is that it’s not your best friend fault. It’s your relationship that has issues to be addressed or your SO would not have looked somewhere else.

  So I can be enraged with my best friend, indeed, like with a stranger, but make no sense to address him or her when the fault is not their fault.

  When somebody cheats the issue is within the relationship and or the cheating person. The third person is just an external factor, if not your best friend it would have been another person, see, it’s irrelevant.

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  • wide_eyed_stupid@lemmy.world ⁨8⁩ ⁨hours⁩ ago

    Irrelevant? Like hell it is. My best friend also has agency. They make their own choices, just like my partner. And in that moment, they both chose to screw me over.

    Now, we could of course have a debate about who should get more of the blame, but that’s besides the point. When it’s a random person, they have no ties to me. I don’t trust them, love them, feel any connection to them whatsoever. They can’t ‘screw me over’ because they don’t know me. But my best friend? Our friendship would forever be ruined and I don’t think you can call that irrelevant.

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    • Shimitar@downonthestreet.eu ⁨3⁩ ⁨hours⁩ ago

      There is a huge difference between your best friend and your partner. But maybe I am looking at it from 50 years of life, quite a few partners changed over time, where I have been cheated on or I have cheated on. And also where nobody has cheated on.

      So I see things less black and white.

      What I have learned is that cheating comes when there is a problem in the relationship, not the other way around. Never.

      So first and foremost you look at your relationship then look outside. Or you will only repeat the same cycle that lead partner to cheat with the next partner.

      Should you hate your best friend? Yes I guess… Should you hate your partner? Yes I guess. Should you blame them? No. Relationship is two people, and you are one of those two people. So blame also yourself as much as you blame partner, and maybe the third person

      But always the fault in cheating lays on BOTH you and partner first and foremost. And trust me: you have 50% of the blame even if partner is the one that cheated. He, or she, of course fully bear the other 50%.

      The third person might be a bastard that took advantage of the situation or maybe genuinely fell in love with your partner. But that person has no blame in the cheating

      I am talking experience and real life cheating, not theorical hypothesis here.

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