Comment on Anon is an introvert
Alcoholicorn@mander.xyz 2 days agoI am self aware enough to know when to just let it go and avoid thing becoming uncomfortable
They simply don’t yet know they want to be your friend. Abduct them and bring them on an adventure, use that time to learn how your lives can mesh together.
You can’t go wrong with motorcycle journey and/or hiking up a mountain.
Nangijala@feddit.dk 2 days ago
You aren’t wrong! Only problem is that I don’t know how to drive a motorcycle and we don’t have mountains in my country xD
But in all seriousness, I genuinely think they don’t want to know us, and I want to respect that. Maybe they will warm up to us eventually or maybe we will remain strangers, but I’ll continue to smile and wave whenever I see them. So far the only living beings who’s given a fuck about us are local birds, who use our garden for nesting, a neighbor’s dog who spent the first three months of us living here, barking at us everytime it saw us and a neighbor kid who was super chatty about princesses one day when we were out gardening.
The dog doesn’t even come over to look at us anymore. I’m actually starting to miss him barking at me every single day. The only time he came out barking recently was when a delivery guy came to drop off a new fridge for my boyfriend. Then all of a sudden, Mr Dog could bark. The driver was scared, while I was low key jealous. Like bruh, at least he acknowledges that you exist, mate. Do you know how devastating it is to move in and getting used to this big dog greeting you everyday and then one day, all of a sudden, he just stops giving a fuck about you and ignores your presence??? It’s bad enough that the human neighbors pretend I don’t exist, but now even the guard dog is like: bitch, you boring.
Dx
My boyfriend thinks its awesome that our neighbors don’t care about us and would hate my dream scenario of casually inviting people over for a beer or coke on the veranda and chatting about whatever.
It’s not like I want people to run through our house all the time and us never getting any privacy, but I would like to have spontaneous chats over the hedge a couple of times a month at least. Even every second month would be cool. But you can’t force people to want to what you want, so eh.
Alcoholicorn@mander.xyz 2 days ago
A community isn’t just a bunch of people with good feelings towards eachother, look for mutually beneficial relationships. Clearly he has no use for socializing in and of itself, is he mechanically inclined? Ask him for help or just advice with a car problem, bake extra bread and give him some, do you both have kids? Theres common interest in discussing whatever is going on with them.
Nangijala@feddit.dk 2 days ago
I am aware of that. The thing about Danes is that we aren’t inclined to have communities. In some places, communities are easier to build than others, but Danes are generally uninterested in putting time and energy into community stuff. Which I understand. On one side, we just arent a social people and on the other side our jobs are mentally draining so many people just want to go home at the end of the day and scroll their phone, eat some food and watch a film or play video games.
There isn’t much power left to do community stuff on the side. I think a lot of people would like to have a lively community, but barely any want to put in the work, so it is often up to the few to keep something going and then maybe people will show up and enjoy what you spent time, money and effort on, but they will also leave when the fun part is over or when they get bored and they won’t help cleaning up either.
My boyfriend used to be a chairman in a little hobby organization for years and he did so much for that organization and people did fuck all to help him out. When he left, they had to get four or five people to take care of the full responsibility he had taken on because not one person could be bothered to do everything he had done on his own.
I have heard similar stories from friends and colleagues who try to keep their local community alive. One trains football for local kids and the neighborhood parents don’t do anything to help out. He gets nothing out of it other than the kids getting to have comradery, but it’s basically an unpaid part time job he’s taken on because he believes in community even if the community doesn’t think they need to do their part.
Where I grew up, we were actually blessed to have good neighbors on our road, but we also lived very isolated in the countryside and actually needed each other more than the people needed one another in the village. Both our families also happened to be newcomers from other parts of the country and that automatically excluded us from the wider community in the area.
I really am not kidding when I’m saying that unless you grew up with people in an area, you will be friendless. That goes for local communities too. You can’t move into a neighborhood and expect to become a part of it even if you put in the effort. You can be lucky to be accepted, but don’t expect it.
It is a very common thing for Danish immigrants, refugees and those who come here for work, to complain about how closed off Danes are. How it is like standing in front of a fortress when you’re trying to get to know a Dane.
That’s why making baked goods or asking for favors probably wouldn’t yield any other results than my neighbors reluctantly accepting to help and then go back to their house and close the door when it’s over.
Because I have definitely considered the baked goods thing, but hopped away from that idea, because you do not just come knocking at somebody’s house unless it’s an emergency.
One of my colleagues attempted the baked goods thing in her neighborhood at one point and was quickly deterred because the neighbors didn’t react well to it.