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• toynbee@piefed.social ⁨4⁩ ⁨days⁩ ago

  A long time ago, I saw a reddit comment that observed the truth that men rarely get compliments, but when they do it probably means a lot; and women frequently get compliments but they’re usually fairly meaningless because often the comment originates with someone who wants something from them.

  I never really thought about it before then, but the part I’ve experienced is true - I am a man, am rarely complimented, and am very grateful when I am. As such, since then, at every opportunity, I’ve complimented strangers - male and female - especially on something that clearly took courage or effort, like a loud shirt or an elaborate hairdo.

  I try to do so in situations that make it clear I’m not seeking seeking anything in return, such as when the stranger and I are headed in opposite directions through a store vestibule. Hopefully that lends an air of authenticity to them. I’ve definitely gotten very rewarding responses more than once.

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  • whalebiologist@lemmy.world ⁨4⁩ ⁨days⁩ ago

    For one thing you are recognizing effort in others and thats genuine, you probably don’t want anything from them either. You don’t want to appear to be fishing for reciprocal compliments. You are doing “work” even if it is part of your practices and how you conduct yourself. Nothing wrong with trying to be kind, but its not the same as what happens when you are in a conversation with a friend and acting naturally

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    • toynbee@piefed.social ⁨3⁩ ⁨days⁩ ago

      I meant only to challenge two things you said:

      Its not possible to genuinely compliment a stranger without putting in a lot of effort, which is creepy.

      I don’t put much effort into complimenting people. I notice something that’s outside the norm and observe it. If I don’t like it I don’t compliment it, but I don’t think one needs to know a person to acknowledge something one likes. It can easily drift into “creepy” territory, I agree with you there, so I avoid certain topics - that’s also why I try to only say things in passing. Most of them are probably obvious, but one that caught me off guard is that “boots” can sound like “boobs.” Much as I’m a fan of those, I’ve learned to say “shoes” these days.

      And

      Compliments should be for your friends and family

      I strongly disagree. This is what inspired me to respond. Compliments should be for anyone you can respectfully flatter. There are compliments that should only be for your friends or family for sure. I try to regularly remind my wife of the things I love about her, but I wouldn’t say those things to a stranger. It does come down to a matter of subjective judgment, though.

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