Soccer is insipid. I’ve been to pro games, played the video games, played with friends, and it’s all the same. The best part about going to a stadium was the beer that I could’ve had at home watching literally anything else. I don’t find any of it interesting save for the random penalty shot that kind of raised the stakes. But honestly, who cares.

And now I have the World Cup threatening to make my evening commute a living hell and I’ll get to hear to my neighbors screaming at the TV for a few days. Oh boy, can’t fucking wait.