I’m going to enjoy torturing my 14-year-old self. My 14-year-old self was a shithead. But I was raised in a conservative Catholic house, and at that age I firmly embraced the version of reality common among the Fox News set. I was that annoying conservative high schooler. Sure I was repping hard, but I was still an idiot.

Now I’m a late-30s trans woman, about to celebrate 8 years of marriage to my wonderful husband.

The things I can say. I’m going to haunt this kid’s dreams.