I understand the point youre trying to make but if you know anything about the mental health disorder theyre talking about the narcissist is definitely also suffering 😅
I mean sure, but they mostly suffer from not enough admiration and servitude (in their eyes) whereas the others around them suffer from constant manipulation, lying, etc.
Also narcissism doesn’t equal an actual NPD diagnosis because to get that you’d first have to realize you’re not perfect, which a lot of narcissists are incapable of. Honestly, anyone who actually has the diagnosis is probably a significantly better person than a narcissist that doesn’t realize it and seek help.
I know at least 2 such individuals, one being my ex. They’re so good at lying that they’ll look at you in the eye and blame shit they’ve done on you and you’ll almost believe them. I don’t just mean the standard “I did X but it’s only because you made me feel bad so it’s actually your fault”. I also mean my ex complaining to CPS about things she’s done as if it’d been me. She’s the kind of person that enjoys hitting a 2 or 3 year old with a belt for not eating enough. Luckily that wasn’t my kid or even her other kid (was her friend’s, said friend lived with us to escape a violent relationship, but eh… Not a major improvement. Luckily she got away from it all and I believe is now actually living a fairly happy life).
I slept 16 hours a week at most and I was told I wasn’t doing enough and it was MY fault our relationship and finances suffered. Always kept telling me I didn’t let her sleep or go out enough even though there were periods where she spent no more than 4-5 hours awake at home per day while I was working an average of 60-70 hours a week and took care of the kids most of the time. Why did I have to work this much? She had a 2-3 strollers per month kinda stroller addiction. Roughly half of them I had to buy brand new. On my payday she’d buy whichever stroller she wanted, would order McDonald’s 2-3 times a day for the next week and then the next 3 weeks I had to get money off my side gigs and beg my friends for loans. She kept telling me how it was my fault that we never had money despite her frivolous spending per month adding up to more than some families earn in a quarter.
She doesn’t have an NPD diagnosis. She says she’s completely fine “other than the trauma from all the things you did to me” (aka letting her go out to fuck around only 5-6 nights a week instead of 7 and only letting her sleep till 1-2 PM, as well as sometimes refusing to buy her shit which caused her to pretend she’d kill herself).
So sure, she suffers too, but her suffering is delusions of grandeur that cause her to make bad decisions, whereas the tens or potentially hundreds of victims suffer in many other ways. Put it this way: if you loan her money and ask for it back and 3 months later she still hasn’t paid and you make a Facebook post warning people not to lend her money, she’ll report you to the police. That’s happened to at least 2-3 people (not me, I don’t like public squabbling). Literally accusing her of any wrongdoing will result in a police report and/or lawsuit. 3 months after our divorce she asked me to buy her a car and I refused, 2 days later she said I’m not seeing my child anymore because (list of things she usually does, but claims I do them). Said child had been living with me full time for 4 months and not a single complaint from her before that.
Her 5 year old from a previous relationship is also known for crying out “I don’t want mommy” because of all the abuse.
So yes, I’m of the opinion that narcissists don’t suffer nearly as much as the people around them, especially their kids if they have them (in the case of my ex she’s hoping to have more because every kid is one more man she can manipulate)
PS: the other narcissist I know? The boyfriend she had after me. Carbon copy of her. Confirmed with other mutual acquaintances that it wasn’t just her stories, he really is just as horrible as her. That almost made me believe in the existence of karma. Sadly I don’t think either of them realized that they’re both horrible people. But both are struggling to find new suckers to finance their lifestyles so I think they’re both homeless and couchsurfing now. Turns out if your income is selling fictional goods and borrowing money from friends, it doesn’t last forever. Of course everyone else is at fault for that.
Cris_Citrus@piefed.zip 1 month ago
I understand the point youre trying to make but if you know anything about the mental health disorder theyre talking about the narcissist is definitely also suffering 😅
boonhet@sopuli.xyz 1 month ago
I mean sure, but they mostly suffer from not enough admiration and servitude (in their eyes) whereas the others around them suffer from constant manipulation, lying, etc.
Also narcissism doesn’t equal an actual NPD diagnosis because to get that you’d first have to realize you’re not perfect, which a lot of narcissists are incapable of. Honestly, anyone who actually has the diagnosis is probably a significantly better person than a narcissist that doesn’t realize it and seek help.
I know at least 2 such individuals, one being my ex. They’re so good at lying that they’ll look at you in the eye and blame shit they’ve done on you and you’ll almost believe them. I don’t just mean the standard “I did X but it’s only because you made me feel bad so it’s actually your fault”. I also mean my ex complaining to CPS about things she’s done as if it’d been me. She’s the kind of person that enjoys hitting a 2 or 3 year old with a belt for not eating enough. Luckily that wasn’t my kid or even her other kid (was her friend’s, said friend lived with us to escape a violent relationship, but eh… Not a major improvement. Luckily she got away from it all and I believe is now actually living a fairly happy life).
I slept 16 hours a week at most and I was told I wasn’t doing enough and it was MY fault our relationship and finances suffered. Always kept telling me I didn’t let her sleep or go out enough even though there were periods where she spent no more than 4-5 hours awake at home per day while I was working an average of 60-70 hours a week and took care of the kids most of the time. Why did I have to work this much? She had a 2-3 strollers per month kinda stroller addiction. Roughly half of them I had to buy brand new. On my payday she’d buy whichever stroller she wanted, would order McDonald’s 2-3 times a day for the next week and then the next 3 weeks I had to get money off my side gigs and beg my friends for loans. She kept telling me how it was my fault that we never had money despite her frivolous spending per month adding up to more than some families earn in a quarter.
She doesn’t have an NPD diagnosis. She says she’s completely fine “other than the trauma from all the things you did to me” (aka letting her go out to fuck around only 5-6 nights a week instead of 7 and only letting her sleep till 1-2 PM, as well as sometimes refusing to buy her shit which caused her to pretend she’d kill herself).
So sure, she suffers too, but her suffering is delusions of grandeur that cause her to make bad decisions, whereas the tens or potentially hundreds of victims suffer in many other ways. Put it this way: if you loan her money and ask for it back and 3 months later she still hasn’t paid and you make a Facebook post warning people not to lend her money, she’ll report you to the police. That’s happened to at least 2-3 people (not me, I don’t like public squabbling). Literally accusing her of any wrongdoing will result in a police report and/or lawsuit. 3 months after our divorce she asked me to buy her a car and I refused, 2 days later she said I’m not seeing my child anymore because (list of things she usually does, but claims I do them). Said child had been living with me full time for 4 months and not a single complaint from her before that.
Her 5 year old from a previous relationship is also known for crying out “I don’t want mommy” because of all the abuse.
So yes, I’m of the opinion that narcissists don’t suffer nearly as much as the people around them, especially their kids if they have them (in the case of my ex she’s hoping to have more because every kid is one more man she can manipulate)
PS: the other narcissist I know? The boyfriend she had after me. Carbon copy of her. Confirmed with other mutual acquaintances that it wasn’t just her stories, he really is just as horrible as her. That almost made me believe in the existence of karma. Sadly I don’t think either of them realized that they’re both horrible people. But both are struggling to find new suckers to finance their lifestyles so I think they’re both homeless and couchsurfing now. Turns out if your income is selling fictional goods and borrowing money from friends, it doesn’t last forever. Of course everyone else is at fault for that.