Comment on How do you feel about a 25 year old dating a 46 year old?
fizzle@quokk.au 1 week ago
People on reddit and lemmy have weird ideas about relationships ought to be.
Provided that both people are adults then age in itself isn’t a problem.
I mean, if a 25 year old has several 50 year old “boyfriends” who each give her a stack of pocket money each month and pay her rent and everything, more power to her right?
The problems arise from a power imbalance. If an older guy has manipulated a younger woman into getting trapped in a shit relationship then that sucks but its not the age that’s the problem.
FuglyDuck@lemmy.world 1 week ago
I largely agree that it’s not the age that’s the problem.
The thing is that the age is a useful proxy for all sorts of things that might lead to such power imbalances.
Including:
It isn’t absolute, and context matters, but it is a useful proxy.
fizzle@quokk.au 1 week ago
Forgive me but, describing age as “a useful proxy” just sounds like shitty behavior to me. I’m not trying to say you’re a shitty person, just that your comment seems to be sane-washing prejudism.
FWIW I agree. A 50 year old guy “dating” a 25 year old woman has an increased likelihood that a power imbalance exists. However, it’s still profiling and prejudiced and a generalisation.
For example, domestic violence may be more prevalent among indigenous communities, but suggesting that indigenous status is “a useful proxy” for a determination that domestic violence is more likely is obviously inappropriate.
FuglyDuck@lemmy.world 1 week ago
It’s not prejudiced at all. a key component of something be a prejudice is that it is unfair, or is somehow unreasonable, etc, and that it is not based in fact. As you yourself noted, there is significant reason to believe such a large age gap may prove to be problematic.
I think the technical term is ‘risk factor’, if you prefer that.
And yes, significant age gaps are significant risk factors for a toxic relationship. it’s not the age itself, necessarily, but it increases the potential for things that are absolutely abusive, and if your doctors know about it, they’re going to be fielding more detailed questions to determine if there’s a problem. And family might be people who have something to say about it as well. That’s not inappropriate.
And it’s not really “profiling” either. That’s an investigative tactic of collection information about a person. profiling becomes problematic with the information is their race (or something to that effect) and their race becomes the justification for extra attention.
GreyEyedGhost@piefed.ca 6 days ago
The line I use is, “If I was going to bet on this situation, I’d bet against it, but it’s not enough information to make a good judgement in this case.” Much like age differences or wealth differences in relationships, or indigenous status and domestic abuse. If that’s all the info you have.