Comment on How do you fight abandonment issues when people keep abandoning you
fodor@lemmy.zip 1 week ago
I’m not asking for details, but first you said the issues were nasty and then you said they were fixable. That’s a sharp contrast. Regardless, once one person checks out, the potential doesn’t matter any more.
Another thing, perhaps more importantly, is that your worth is not derived from your partner. If it were, all the single people would be worthless, and we aren’t. But you might have grown up being fed that value, that you have to get married or whatever, and if you don’t then somehow you messed up, or some bullshit like that. It takes time to let that kind of bullshit value go.
Baggie@lemmy.zip 1 week ago
I didn’t do a great job of it, the gist of it is the nasty issues like inability to communicate, stonewalling, etc facilitated the ongoing small issues. For example I wasn’t allowed to do certain chores, but she wouldn’t keep up with them either. Easy to fix if communication is there, harder if all those issues are getting in the way.
Yeah I’ve been staying to wonder about that today, I do think my self worth was derived from the relationship, as my regular stuff kind of fell away as our lifestyle became incompatible with them. It’s a slow rebuild, but I felt relaxed for the first time in ages today, so progress is happening.