My hot/shit take. It’s not ableist to say any disability makes you uncomfortable. Everybody is entitled to their feelings and discomfort is one of those. What makes it ableist is how you manage that feeling. If this ex-friend as you detailed stats trying to poison other friends against you, that’s bad. If they try to limit only their own interactions with you, even if it costs them friends or otherwise enjoyable times, in an effort to not sour the mood of the group or to avoid their own discomfort, that’s OK.

My philosophy is that everyone is at least a little bit bigoted. It’s simply a matter of to what degree but more importantly how they manage it. If someone is purely racist down to their core, but they do everything they can to avoid minorities and don’t try to spread their views, that’s not terrible. If they understand it’s wrong and try to minimize their impact in that regard, I think that should be allowed. I wouldn’t necessarily say applauded, but certainly not condemned.