34M here - just got dumped after a 9-year relationship about two months ago.

Why? Well, multiple reasons. In short: the love just died. Everything was “fine,” but neither of us was particularly happy. We didn’t have that much in common to begin with. Communication was good, and there wasn’t really any one specific event that caused the breakup. I’d say the two biggest factors were excessive weed use - for both of us - which made things feel “fine” despite the spark being gone, along my lifelong porn addiction, which eventually killed my interest in sex entirely and distorted my sense in what kind of women I find attractive. That also made her feel undesirable herself which didn’t help.

I didn’t put enough effort into the relationship and started taking her for granted. I think there was a bit of self-sabotage involved too - deep down I knew that if I didn’t change, this would be the outcome, yet I kept doing it anyway. Maybe I was subconsciously hoping she’d end it because I didn’t have the guts to.

Right now, I just feel numb. I don’t like being alone, but at least I don’t have to worry about being abandoned. I’m trying to take this time to reflect on my life and figure out what’s next. Honestly, in a perfect world, I’d love to find a caring, asexual woman - someone with whom I’d never have to worry about sex again.