Comment on I'm on the spectrum. How do I live the rest of my life?

• the_q@lemmy.zip ⁨3⁩ ⁨weeks⁩ ago

  This is you making assumptions based on your perceptions. In fact it reads as a defense of their, the NTs, action’s through the lens of your experience meaning this is how you treat others and don’t assume any responsibility because you’re being “nice”. OPs response isn’t necessarily one they choose; it is likely a reaction, and while they do have responsibility in that type of response, it isn’t all on them. If someone comes up to you and slaps you across the face are you going to be like “oh thank you and nice to meet you”? It’s a bit of an extreme example, but the input onslaught that is social interactions to certain people may as well be a slap in the face. Again, you’re framing this whole issue from your own experience.

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  • Azzu@lemmy.dbzer0.com ⁨3⁩ ⁨weeks⁩ ago

    Two things.

    For most people, asking “why do you talk so little?” is not a slap in the face, it is an attempt at inclusion. It gets interpreted as a slap in the face. As such, your example is not right.

    Secondly, when we expect people to take our autistic sensibilities into account, I think it is entirely fair to take their sensibilities into account as well. Most people do not rub autistic people the wrong way on purpose. We do not rub them the wrong way on purpose. Yet it makes sense for both parties to take the other parties sensibilities into account. Since one can only control oneself, one should start this behavior with oneself.

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• vestmoria@linux.community ⁨3⁩ ⁨weeks⁩ ago

  There is no need to go for confrontation, asking why someone talks so little might just be a way of trying to include them in a group or getting to know them, and it sounds like OP just responds as hostile as possible.

  why is answering a question with another question confrontational? this is a boundaries issue.

  I can’t believe I have to explain this, but here it goes: if people talk much or less is purely subjective: what to introverted A is too much is for extroverted B too little.

  extroverted B asked from his subjective point of view, introverted A simply answered from his also subjective point of view.

  Why is this confrontational to you?

  it sounds like OP just responds as hostile as possible.

  wrong again, I calmly state that question. You seem to believe I start yelling at them or looking at them as if I wanted to hurt them.

  my main question to you is this: why is answering a question with another question confrontational? this is about boundaries.

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  • Azzu@lemmy.dbzer0.com ⁨3⁩ ⁨weeks⁩ ago

    You’re doing what they do to you back to them. This is not hard to understand. You don’t like it, so they don’t like it. You’re essentially “proving your point” by taking revenge. The only thing they hear is that you’re taking revenge.

    If it was about boundaries, you could say something along the lines “I don’t like these kind of questions, I am perfectly comfortable being quiet, with this question you make it sound like something is wrong about it. I get this question all the time and I don’t want to answer it anymore.”

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    • vestmoria@linux.community ⁨3⁩ ⁨weeks⁩ ago

      By getting “why do you talk so little?” and responding with “why do you talk so much?”, You’re doing what they do to you back to them.

      absolutely. I answer a question with another question. Keep playing stupid games, you’ll keep getting stupid prizes.

      you can say these words in the nicest way possible, and this exchange still sounds confrontational.

      then why do they start it? I’m never the one pestering anyone about why they’re blond, tall, fat…

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