years ago when I was seeing a psychologist and a psychiatrist for severe ptsd the doc wanted to put me on meds that could help my memory and also anti anxiety meds. I said no. They said I better have a good reason, I wrote them an essay. But more than that I assured my docs I would under go all the cbt , do everything I could to heal without meds. And I did.

Changing your thinking is hard, behaviourial change is hard, but you must give it some effort if you want results.

good luck and so many hugs 😽