Comment on Why do females got to be so hard to talk or flirt with?
oxysis@lemmy.blahaj.zone 2 days ago
Okay here’s some advice from a lesbian.
First, drop the word “female”, we are people not animals.
Second, money doesn’t matter to a lot of people, some women want their partner to provide for them, many do not want that. Women had to fight extremely hard to be able to work jobs, have bank accounts and have access to credit and debit cards. Financial independence can be an extremely big deal to people.
Third, try to not be super picky with who you want as a partner. It’s a bit of cliché advice but it’s one that is important to remember. Not every women is a super model, nor does everyone have the hourglass figure. Be okay with them not being perfect and try to accept them for who they are.
Fourth, really need to emphasize this here but be accepting of quirks and flaws. While this is very similar to the third thing, it is a bit different. Quite a few people who have flirted with me have had quite gross reactions to my quirks and flaws and it’s a big red flag.
Fifth, be patient with yourself. Make sure you are actually in a proper place mentally before tackling a relationship. A quick look through you post history shows you have some issues you are working on and I’d make sure you have them under good control.
Sixth, like others have said but work on getting good, healthy, stable friendships first. Friends can introduce you to people and who knows if you hit it off with them.
Seventh, don’t expect sex early on or at all. Some people love sex, others can be apathetic towards it and others can be adverse to it. If you aren’t sexually compatible that’s fine just be open about it and be willing to move on if sex matters a lot to you.
blarghly@lemmy.world 2 days ago
I’d like to gently push back on a few of these points.
To your second point, money. Being rich is hot. Like, it doesnt make you a good person, and it is far less effective than having a good personality. But if OP wants to spin his wheels, there are worse ways he could do it. Being rich and jacked is a bit of a crutch - but hey, crutches work! That’s why people use them!
To your third - yes, he shouldnt go about looking for minute flaws and declare all women to be not good enough for him. But at the same time, he shouldnt drop all standards just to have someone to date, which is often how this advice comes off. Not every woman has an hourglass figure - is OP okay with dating a women who doesnt have such a figure, or is it a requirement for their attraction? Either answer is fine, but OP should be encouraged to date people he actually finds attractive.
To your forth - sometimes quirks are super annoying. If someone has a bad reaction to your quirks… good! That means you arent compatible, and the two of you should move on. OP shouldnt hide their annoyance at peoples quirks they find genuinely irritating. Thats just a setup for frustration and resentment down the line.
To your fifth and sixth - no notes. Big fan of mental health and friendship.
And seventh - why not expect sex early? Plenty of people are more than happy to jump in the sack on a first date. If thats what OP wants, he should go for it. As you said, sexual compatibility is important. If he wants sex early in a potential relationship, he should feel comfortable making this desire clear to potential partners. Then he can find partners who want something similar, and avoid wasting his and others time on dates that dont meet this expectation.
God1st@lemmy.zip 1 day ago
Agree with all your comments pretty much