Are you talking the difference between something like cross dressing and being trans? I’ll dive into it as I’ve had this on my mind recently.

My understanding is the main focus of being trans is the change in gender identity. Biological sex doesn’t really come into it, it’s all about social roles, expectations etc. A man can wear woman’s clothing and still be a man after all.

I can’t really speak for people’s experiences when it comes to them not physically matching their views on their gender. It’s a deeply individual thing I imagine. Physical changes, hormones etc are not required to be trans, though they can be a part of it.

The point that caught me for a bit was my views on gender equality. I was of the opinion that gender/sex stereotypes shouldn’t really define people, but that clashed with the idea that people sometimes desire the stereotypes that go along with gender.

It’s a tricky thing to want both true equality but also respect differences in gender, because in some ways they aren’t always compatible. But we aren’t the result of our ideals so much as we are the result of our upbringings, and gender is a large part of our identity. It’s baked into us, girls want pretty dresses, boys want power tools, and you will be treated different based on what you present as, regardless of how bullshit that might be.

The way I see it, it’s only fair to say fuck it, you can be whichever gender you want. I still think stereotypes are something we should move away from ultimately, but that’s a long road that I’ll never live to see the end of, and if someone can be happier today, I don’t see why that’s a problem.