Comment on How can I become a better conversationalist?
MentalEdge@sopuli.xyz 8 months ago
One thing I’ve learned, is to be comfortable with some silence, and taking a moment to think. I’ll even announce “hang on, I need to put my words together right” and then just internally monologue my thoughts into order while the other person waits, before speaking again.
Usually, there is no rush, we just imagine others to be impatient and feel pressure for no real reason. But really, there’s no reason a conversation requires words be spoken non-stop.
Especially if you find yourself more comfortable with texting, where you can lay out your sentences and edit them until they feel right, you might just need to learn to do the same thing face to face.
OmegaMouse@feddit.uk 8 months ago
Yes I think you’re right - sometimes I’ll feel like I need to fill a silence, and end up spewing out nonsense. Then I’ll feel embarrassed and struggle with the rest of the conversation. It’s quite hard to un-learn that feeling of silence being uncomfortable, but it would definitely give time to help me think.
MentalEdge@sopuli.xyz 8 months ago
Awkward silences are only awkward because we feel like they are supposed to be. Silence typically means a conversation is over, but when it feels like it should have continued, the silence feels “wrong”. The solution is to remember that silence doesn’t have to mean that the conversation is over. Pauses feel out of place because practised talkers don’t need them.
Don’t get too comfy with it though, I’ve become so immune to awkward silences, that I sometimes completely fail to notice when someone is uncomfortable while I’m just chillin and thinking about what to say next. When you stop speaking, people’s imaginations take over for what you’re thinking, and especially for anxious people those 30 seconds of silence wondering what you’re thinking can be hell. I used to be that anxious person.
Hence I started announcing why I’m being quiet. It lets their thought-spiral of worry calm because you’re essentially saying “don’t worry, I wasn’t offended or turned off by what you said, I will tell you what I’m thinking, I just need a moment”.
OmegaMouse@feddit.uk 8 months ago
Thanks for the insight - I hadn’t considered that announcing the silence in that way could be useful, but I see what you mean.