Comment on You mean it gets worse?
exasperation@lemm.ee 4 days agoI interpret it to be more about the weight given to different pros and cons about different stages in life.
Some people really, really prize autonomy, and don’t get to experience that until pretty late in life. For these people, the stifling limits of adolescence, without their own money or independence from parents, can be miserable.
Some people really, really prize being free of responsibilities. To this group, sometimes adulthood comes with too many challenges and responsibilities that they find independence to be stifling.
Some care about physical health, which may correlate with younger ages.
Some love the ease of friendships in adolescence and early adulthood, and long for that dynamic when they realize that making new friends or maintaining existing friendships gets harder after 30, and even more so after 40.
Some feel very strongly about the loved ones they’ve lost since their childhood, and wish they could’ve appreciated those shared experiences more in the moment.
And we all have different experiences. I have no idea if my best years are ahead of me or behind me, but I could see an argument in either direction.
blarghly@lemmy.world 3 days ago
Right, but most of these factors can be significantly mitigated as we age, making them non-issues.
Being more free of responsibility can be achieved via life choices in career and family. Choose a career with flexibility, and prioritize flexibility when finding new jobs or negotiating promotions. Don’t have kids if you don’t want them or aren’t ready for them.
Physical health generally declines with age, but good diet, exercise, and sleep habits keep nearly all these effects at bay. Many people can become more youthful with age simply because they are in such poor health as children.
Making and keeping friends as an adult is not that hard. While it doesn’t “just happen” like it did in school, you tend to make friends with people who you actually have things in common with. Like, for example, people who value a life without needless stress, and who value their physical health.
We can certainly mourn those who have left us. But we also make new relationships as we get older. Is life better when you have a grandparent? Or when you have a grandchild?
The trend I’ve seen with people who say this to kids is that they have failed in one or more of these areas. The classic being, say, the divorced truck driver who had kids he didn’t want, and who only interactes with people at work and at the bar.
exasperation@lemm.ee 3 days ago
All this is just saying that you personally put more weight on the things that are better about later adulthood than early adulthood or adolescence. And that can be your choice, but it doesn’t have to be everyone’s choice.
You acknowledge that the health and friendships piece gets harder with age but push back against the idea that it inevitably gets worse. But averaged among all people, things will tend to get worse, and some people who actually experience that deterioration will conclude (as is their right) that things were better when health and friendships were easier.
These aren’t symmetrical. When you are a young person who loves your grandparents, you haven’t actually mourned a loss of a grandchild you personally knew. On the flip side, when you have a grandchild you might also view that relationship through the lens of a lost relationship with a deceased grandparent. In other words, only one of those experiences is 100% good, rather than a bittersweet mix of good and sad.
Not to mention, plenty of people will never have grandchildren. To them, the mourned loss of a grandparent is the end of that road. There’s no replacement on its way.
Put it this way: if given the opportunity to wake up 10 years in the past, in your body of 10 years ago, how positive or negative would you view that? Plenty of people would vote on different sides of that, and that’s OK to have different views based on one’s own experiences.