How about the appearance, I believe that would be much more relevant.
Comment on What kind of upbringing makes an incel?
vivadanang@lemm.ee 8 months ago
Honestly I have doubts it’s related to female exposure; I grew up in a family of men, my mom was the only woman in the entire house and had her own bathroom. She was an oncology nurse and worked crazy hours. I learned more about women dating women than I ever did from hints and lessons from Mom. I’m more inclined to think it’s related to the men in their lives and the examples they set in their interactions with women. The men online who shovel misogyny and bullshit about alpha men are doing more harm to the male sex than anything else I’ve seen.
someacnt@sopuli.xyz 8 months ago
iheartneopets@lemm.ee 8 months ago
It’s not really, in my experience. That’s a very common thing for incels to focus on in their forums, but if you actually talk to most women, a good personality can be much more attractive than appearance. Appearance helps, but it’s not the only thing. Focus on dressing well, proper hygiene, and developing kindness (not nice-guy niceness), and you will already be so far ahead of the game you have no idea.
someacnt@sopuli.xyz 8 months ago
I actually recall talking with some girls. I know it’s anecdotal, but many of them explicitly said that they prefer appearance to personality. Some girls even said height-elevating shoes is what they hate the most. (And they care a lot about height)
iheartneopets@lemm.ee 8 months ago
How old were they, by chance? Most women I know are old enough to have learned that looks are not everything. I’m sure men learn the same as they mature. Of course, there are assholes everywhere, which is why personality is so important.
If you find someone you like and they have a good personality, hold onto them tight. It’s worth so much more. Lust fades, love you grow together lasts and lasts.
HeyThisIsntTheYMCA@lemmy.world 8 months ago
I mean, my wife has a bunch of sisters. Her little brother is an incel. Both of our families are all kinds of fucked up tho it’s kind of what growing up in a cult does to you
vivadanang@lemm.ee 8 months ago
The only person I know who qualifies for ‘incel’ has an amazing mom. I don’t think this one is on females.
TheDarkKnight@lemmy.world 8 months ago
Maybe it’s on the incels themselves, mostly. Not to be rude and not including those with severe mental disorders but life is hard and everyone is mostly the result of your own choices. If we constantly create excuses and look for someone else to blame for this particular group, I think we do them more harm than good.
SwallowsDick@lemmy.world 8 months ago
Assume nothing. You only know the mom’s public facing image. People can be entirely different in private.
vivadanang@lemm.ee 8 months ago
I assume nothing, only what I can judge with my own eyes. She’s not why he’s an incel. But thanks for your concern.