Apytele@sh.itjust.works 1 day ago
Probably not, it depends on what you did. I can (almost) guarantee it was one of two situations though:
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it wasn’t actually that bad.
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If it was bad enough that you did manage to actually grievously harm or even kill someone, you were almost definitely put in a situation / given access to something no sane adult should or would have ever allowed a 6 year old child to have access to (such as a gun, or being in a position to knock someone off a cliff).
As for your current everyday life, I need you to understand that an inferiority / guilt complex is in itself a burden on everyone around you. I once dated a guy with a similar guilt complex and he was impossible to deal with because I kept having to constantly shore up his self esteem for him.
If you really want to do something that benefits other people, start by working on yourself and your self esteem. You may be able to try self-help books, videos, personal mantras, etc, but if you’re not making any headway with those you likely need professional therapy. You are no good to anyone (and even a bit of a drag), if you continue on with this mindset.
Tiffany1994@lemmy.cafe 1 day ago
I didn’t literally kill someone, but I did kill something, and that was my parent’s marriage. Now my mom has cancer. I look after her but she wishes she was together again with my dad.
Apytele@sh.itjust.works 1 day ago
A marriage is a mutual responsibility of the people in it and no one else. Only those two people are even capable of upholding the promises they made to each other.
hoshikarakitaridia@lemmy.world 1 day ago
It’s good to reflect on things, but you are beating yourself down for it. That’s never appropriate, especially because people like you, who are self aware and want the best for others, are very much needed in this world.
Let’s say whatever you did that ended the marriage was bad, and they’d both be together if you didn’t do it.
You were 6. Even if you intended this, how the hell is a 6 year old gonna be able to grasp the consequences of their actions. People can do really bad things at any age, but at such a young age, most of the things that happen because of your actions are out of you hands.
Do other people blame you for it? Because that is fucked up. They should know better. You are already reflecting, but blaming literally never helps anyone. And that goes for yourself as well, don’t blame yourself, no matter what you did. You can take responsibility and try to repair the damage to the degree you can, but never blame yourself for not doing things that you are unable to do. Do your best, and that’s all you can do. Mistakes are par for the course.
Marriages are made of 2 people. You are not part of that marriage, even if you are part of the family. If your sole actions managed to split the marriage, that suggests so much else was going wrong. Did they trust each other enough? Why were they not able to handle whatever their child did? How come they didn’t make up again after whatever you did, or they didn’t at least try? See how many avenues those two have to fix it? But they didn’t. That’s not on anyone else, but them. A working marriage extends a truckload of trust, grace, and love to each other, and I suspect, even if your actions rocked the boat, that boat was a nut shell with fish sized holes in it. There’s no other way your actions could lead to this. Your actions might have been the match, but look at the barrels of gasoline that fueled the fire. At that point, there’s so many things that can destroy the marriage, because the marriage was very shakey in the first place.
Trying to think of the worst things you could have done to lead your parents to part, there’s nothing a 6 year can do that makes them responsible for it. Please don’t beat yourself down - the amount of self reflection you do leads me to think you are an awesome human being and people around you should be grateful for how much you care for them.
TL;DR There’s no way in hell you were or are responsible for what happened to your parents marriage, no matter what you did.
paranoia@feddit.dk 1 day ago
Okay, what are the circumstances? You’re skirting around the fact here, just say what you think was so bad. Did you say you were being molested? Did you say you saw someone cheating, taking heroin, etc.? Unless it was something on this level, I don’t think it was your fault as a 6 year old.
spongebue@lemmy.world 1 day ago
At 6 years old, you hardly understand how the world works. People generally realize that and act accordingly.
If anyone is getting divorced from something a 6-year-old did, either your parents don’t understand that (not your fault) or there was something much bigger going on already (not your fault) and whatever you did was the straw that broke the camel’s back (still not your fault, given the grace needed with a SIX-YEAR-OLD!)
If someone else said to you what you were saying to us, would you agree that “yeah, you must have been ‘born bad’* - that sucks”? And hold them to that same standard? Probably not. Don’t do it to yourself
* that’s not a thing, by the way
aoidenpa@lemmy.world 1 day ago
Being bad is more fun. You should embrace your dark side and burn your angel wings.