I’m a subscriber to their monthly print copy, and a lot of the stories in the print version don’t make it to the website as quickly. I’ve got the February copy on my desk with the following headlines:

• Trump Administration Offers Free At-Home Loyalty Tests: Tool That Diagnoses Disobedience to be Mailed to U.S. Households
• U.S. Military Bans Men With Girl Names From Combat - Wars Will No Longer Be Fought By Male Shannons, Terrys, or Carmens
• Baby Saves Affair: Illicit Relationship Rekindled by Out-of-Wedlock Birth

As far as I can tell, these articles never made it online. And they are funny. Good coffee table material.