I’m sorry. I can’t offer much but I can give something small. I have suffered from depression a few times in my life and landed on fire to mask it as a protest for whatever.
I didn’t do it obviously it was a very long time ago. It actually didn’t enter my mind at all when asking this question until I read this comment and remembered my past.
If I ever get that bad again, and I hope I don’t, I promise not to use fire.
Not much but it’s something.
philpo@feddit.org 3 weeks ago
Thanks mate for the kind words. If you are that far down the spiral again, let us know. Personally I rather read a DM from you than read about your funeral.
And I get it. Even the fire part. Fire does send a message. We all know that powerful photo of the monk.
The human who is responsible for half of my fire-PTBS wanted to send auch a message. But it instead fucked people up. Not only myself, back then a 19 year old fresh paramedic graduate. Who now, multiple decades later sees that human in his dreams. Well. Not actually. I see my gloves melting because the flesh I am working on his still so hot. I don’t see the actual human.
There are only a few things I truely fear. I went to conflict regions as a job for ages… But there are few things I dear like fire/burns. Rabbies, some cancers, ALS. But fire still is something else. Because it is more cruel. Unless someone really needs that fix to understand why it’s a bad idea I spare you the details.