philpo@feddit.org 5 days ago
My firefighter days were long ago and short numbered but I am a paramedic.
Truth to be told: I have PTBS from the smell of burning human meat. I had two cases that cemented that in my brain - both were not people burning to crisp but instead people who were still moving* - but beyond rescue. In that state human meat smells different from other meats and it is… something you don’t want to smell ever.
(*: Even most severely burnt people, with 99% grade 3 burns are awake for quite a while. They are beyond resuce,though. Please people, don’t try to kill yourself with fire. And if you do, don’t do it in front of people. Really don’t. You fuck them up for life)
I still cannot stand if my wife cleans the oven for example.
I’m sorry. I can’t offer much but I can give something small. I have suffered from depression a few times in my life and landed on fire to mask it as a protest for whatever.
I didn’t do it obviously it was a very long time ago. It actually didn’t enter my mind at all when asking this question until I read this comment and remembered my past.
If I ever get that bad again, and I hope I don’t, I promise not to use fire.
Not much but it’s something.
Thanks mate for the kind words. If you are that far down the spiral again, let us know. Personally I rather read a DM from you than read about your funeral.
And I get it. Even the fire part. Fire does send a message. We all know that powerful photo of the monk.
The human who is responsible for half of my fire-PTBS wanted to send auch a message. But it instead fucked people up. Not only myself, back then a 19 year old fresh paramedic graduate. Who now, multiple decades later sees that human in his dreams. Well. Not actually. I see my gloves melting because the flesh I am working on his still so hot. I don’t see the actual human.
There are only a few things I truely fear. I went to conflict regions as a job for ages… But there are few things I dear like fire/burns. Rabbies, some cancers, ALS. But fire still is something else. Because it is more cruel. Unless someone really needs that fix to understand why it’s a bad idea I spare you the details.
MrBananaGrabber@lemmy.today 5 days ago
This is the answer you’re looking for OP. (Source: Same experiences FF/P)