Comment on The Trump Administration Accidentally Texted Me Its War Plans

• LandedGentry@lemmy.zip ⁨6⁩ ⁨days⁩ ago

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  • Comment105@lemm.ee ⁨6⁩ ⁨days⁩ ago

    Next war plan is going to happen in an X thread. They’re gonna @ eachother about seizing Toronto and nuking Vancouver.

    They’ll launch the nuke from a submarine, They’ll trigger their own warning system, they’ll panic, they’ll think it’s a Japanese nuke, they’ll launch retaliatory strikes, the Philippines will be unrecognizable.

    The Toronto invasion force won’t have crossed the border before the entire admin is in bunkers and not communicating. They’ll be an army on standby to invade an ally, and they’ll hear the admin atomically spooked itself into giving China their sea claims in the worst way, a way nobody is happy with.

    Democrats will respond by suggesting that other Democrats should consider launching an investigation on an accelerated timeline, with only 3 short months (~0.903 Metric months) to be completed brought before a committee hearing that already has three notices that members will be absent, unable to attend due to family functions and vacation plans.

    Streaming revenues will be stable, Call of Duty MAUs will not fluctuate notably, Starbucks will close 8 locations, most celebrities will be done tweeting/blueskying about how it’s fucked up. JD Vance will call someone the N word on live TV to thunderous applause.

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    • AFallingAnvil@lemmy.ca ⁨5⁩ ⁨days⁩ ago

      It brings me comfort knowing they aren’t competent enough to surprise attack Canada

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