Comment on uhh… my ex girlfriend and long-time friend is now cishet, very christian, and makes those “i identify as” jokes regarding trans people. would it end up bad for me if i continued to be her friend?

• Chip_Rat@lemmy.world ⁨2⁩ ⁨days⁩ ago

  I agree with you when you say “it’s who you are”.

  Do you not see a situation where someone is born and believes themselves gay (the reasons why they would think this are numerous, almost as numerous as the countless reasons people think they are straight growing up) and then after living as a gay person they come to understand themselves better and recognise that they are actually fairly straight?

  I’m not saying that’s what’s going on here, it sounds very sad and basically someone just heading back to the closet to avoid shitty people and shitty society. But questioning someone who says they are straight, or gay or bi or enby or ace or whatever, is flawed. They may be lieing, they may be confused, hiding, virtue signalling. But you don’t get to call them bi just because they said and behaved as if they were gay and now say and behaving as if they are not. Someone who used to have sex and now says they are ace isn’t lying, or wrong or akchewally…

  I don’t want this to come off as hostile, I get why you are asking. It’s a complex topic and I might be wrong.

  I think I’m explaining myself alright, but I’m open to discussion

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  • FeelzGoodMan420@eviltoast.org ⁨2⁩ ⁨days⁩ ago

    I don’t think you’re coming off hostile at all! This isn’t my domain so I could be totally wrong. I’m open to feedback. Below is my thinking:

    I feel like normally it’s the other way around though. People think they’re straight or convince themselves that they are straight because that’s the “norm” that society pushes on us.

    Now has there ever been a case where it was reversed like in your example? Yea, probably. But I feel like it’s rare. I mean maybe someone grew up with gay friends and they try to convince themselves they’re gay because that’s what their friends are? Then they realiz they’re straight? It’s possible. Just feels unlikely lol

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    • Chip_Rat@lemmy.world ⁨2⁩ ⁨days⁩ ago

      Yeah, I think the biggest hangup for us is that, given the context, this person isn’t someone who was gay and is now straight, it’s someone who was exploring their sexuality and then decided to nope out, regardless of their actual orientation.

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