Going to Latin America: What if they planted some shit to blackmail me? Do I have enough cash? Will the US save me if I’m in prison here?

Customs agent: [Paper]? looks at it with an attitude and waves me thru

Returning to US: Shit. Did I leave that guava in my backpack? What if sugar is contraband? What if the rum was laced but I didn’t know? What if the tobacco has tobacco bugs in it? What if the limits on alcohol and tobacco are per year, and the last time I came back into the country counts for this year and now everything I’m bringing is in excess of the limit?

Customs agent: thinks this guy is such an anxious mess Welcome back! 🙂