Comment on Are dating apps a fraud since the beginning?
jol@discuss.tchncs.de 2 months ago
I think apps and websites where you can see everyone without limits or algorithms are fine. Apps like those still exist. They are just like social networks with no gamification.
So I don’t think it’s the apps, friends. If it hurts no matter where you touch, maybe it’s your finger that’s broken…
orgrinrt@lemmy.world 2 months ago
I generally hate thinking like this, but ultimately, as with everything, there comes a point where it’s actually beneficial and probably the only healing move left, to admit that the problem might be in one’s self, not others (or the tools used, as in this case).
But that does not mean that the metaphorical finger is inherently fragile or unavoidably always broken. Just realizing this, as much as our psyche fights against it both to avoid admitting fault or conceding that there’s a lot of work to do, can start the processes to get the finger working and healthy.
I also don’t like how often this line of thought is turned around and used as a weapon, when it can actually be very hopeful and healing after the initial struggles trying to accept it (and failing to do so, defensively fighting against it with all your cells for a good while).
jol@discuss.tchncs.de 2 months ago
Well put. And let’s not forget that society is in many ways against us and expectations are high. Are you fit? Do you have good hair and teeth? Do you already have children? Are you in finance? Etc etc. And this is true in apps and irl. So the only thing you have control of, is accepting yourself, loving yourself, and growing for sake of yourself. With some luck, you grow into someone that someone else also loves.
I almost rejected someone that was truly into who I was as a person. I almost shrugged it off as them just being horny all the time. It’s almost scary to find someone that actually likes us and all our weird quirks.