Haha, I’m afraid half the time I post a comment it will be taken wrong, but hell… I guess at some point I would have to consider whether I am just getting a dopamine high from saying something ludicrous and finding out what happens after. I had no idea what gender you are, just pairing your actions with adjectives and hoping not to disappoint.
You know, there was a time someone thought I was misgendering them on purpose, even after a correction due to how my sentence was worded. After rereading it I totally got it, but there’s always time to explain later. People fuck up. I’ve found that no matter what you say, there’s a 50% shot of someone getting upset about at least one aspect. I’ll frequently say things out of either irony or sarcasm, and I don’t /s, I feel like it takes away from the joke. I say just have a good time
I had an incident not pertaining to a joke about 6 months ago at a gas station that stuck with me. I walked up to the counter to pay and the person sitting behind the counter talked to me. I said can I put $20 on pump 5. They said card or cash, as I handed them a 20 and said thank you sir. She responded “It’s Ma’am, I’m a female!” in a demanding tone. And I was in the wrong for assuming or what not but I’m sure she was slighted because she had dysplasias that one could mistake for a form of 'male pattern baldness" (also dysplasias, but beside the point). That poor woman likely never transitioned but was born that way and has been mistook so many times that my tired ass rushing in and out saying thank you with the wrong gendered term was enough to hurt them.
People will tell me it’s dumb that I hold onto it in my head… but the truth to me is that it was transient second that happened when I hadn’t even truly looked at the person and I laid a burden of hurt onto someone who had been carrying a barrell of hay waiting for that straw apparently.
So me being sarcastic about so much all the time sometimes brings me back to thinking about her, where “it’s fine 99% of the time” accidentally hurts that one person and feels guilt. (Not sure how our conversation just went there, damn sorry for the random dump)
It doesn’t mean we shouldn’t have fun or joke, but it makes me more wary
Can relate. I personally don’t understand the assuming gender thing, because it’s sort of a natural response. Now if you’re corrected, and you persist, of course that’s not okay.
I have had that accidental mixup too and you’re right, no harm was meant but some harm was there. It’ll definitely stick with you. When I was younger, I had long hair and no facial hair, I’ve been mistaken for a woman/girl, and you know it’s a bit jarring, but you can tell it was an honest mistake.
As long as you’re admitting when you’re wrong, and not intentionally trying to upset people, you really shouldn’t be faulted for much, mistakes happen.
LifeInMultipleChoice@lemmy.dbzer0.com 5 months ago
Haha, I’m afraid half the time I post a comment it will be taken wrong, but hell… I guess at some point I would have to consider whether I am just getting a dopamine high from saying something ludicrous and finding out what happens after. I had no idea what gender you are, just pairing your actions with adjectives and hoping not to disappoint.
whostosay@lemmy.world 5 months ago
You know, there was a time someone thought I was misgendering them on purpose, even after a correction due to how my sentence was worded. After rereading it I totally got it, but there’s always time to explain later. People fuck up. I’ve found that no matter what you say, there’s a 50% shot of someone getting upset about at least one aspect. I’ll frequently say things out of either irony or sarcasm, and I don’t /s, I feel like it takes away from the joke. I say just have a good time
LifeInMultipleChoice@lemmy.dbzer0.com 5 months ago
I had an incident not pertaining to a joke about 6 months ago at a gas station that stuck with me. I walked up to the counter to pay and the person sitting behind the counter talked to me. I said can I put $20 on pump 5. They said card or cash, as I handed them a 20 and said thank you sir. She responded “It’s Ma’am, I’m a female!” in a demanding tone. And I was in the wrong for assuming or what not but I’m sure she was slighted because she had dysplasias that one could mistake for a form of 'male pattern baldness" (also dysplasias, but beside the point). That poor woman likely never transitioned but was born that way and has been mistook so many times that my tired ass rushing in and out saying thank you with the wrong gendered term was enough to hurt them.
People will tell me it’s dumb that I hold onto it in my head… but the truth to me is that it was transient second that happened when I hadn’t even truly looked at the person and I laid a burden of hurt onto someone who had been carrying a barrell of hay waiting for that straw apparently.
So me being sarcastic about so much all the time sometimes brings me back to thinking about her, where “it’s fine 99% of the time” accidentally hurts that one person and feels guilt. (Not sure how our conversation just went there, damn sorry for the random dump)
It doesn’t mean we shouldn’t have fun or joke, but it makes me more wary
whostosay@lemmy.world 5 months ago
Can relate. I personally don’t understand the assuming gender thing, because it’s sort of a natural response. Now if you’re corrected, and you persist, of course that’s not okay.
I have had that accidental mixup too and you’re right, no harm was meant but some harm was there. It’ll definitely stick with you. When I was younger, I had long hair and no facial hair, I’ve been mistaken for a woman/girl, and you know it’s a bit jarring, but you can tell it was an honest mistake.
As long as you’re admitting when you’re wrong, and not intentionally trying to upset people, you really shouldn’t be faulted for much, mistakes happen.