monkeytennis

@monkeytennis@lemmy.world

• ⁨Comment⁩ on ⁨How can I practice being more emotionally available as a man?⁩ ⁨⁨1⁩ ⁨year⁩ ago⁩:

  Coddling has the negative connotation - to consistently overprotect. Occasional spoiling is an entirely different and good thing.

• ⁨Comment⁩ on ⁨Why, as a male, when emotionally do I only feel accepted by women but not by men?⁩ ⁨⁨1⁩ ⁨year⁩ ago⁩:

  You missed my point. I’m ignoring nothing, I’m suggesting OP seek out men who will be supportive, because they’re not hard to find.

  I’m certain I could find studies as proof, but don’t we all already know this to be true?

• ⁨Comment⁩ on ⁨Why, as a male, when emotionally do I only feel accepted by women but not by men?⁩ ⁨⁨1⁩ ⁨year⁩ ago⁩:

  Plenty of men can deal with this, and plenty of women can’t. It’s not helpful to see this as a gender thing, you’ll only feel more alienated. You might want to seek out some new social connections?

• ⁨Comment⁩ on ⁨How can I practice being more emotionally available as a man?⁩ ⁨⁨1⁩ ⁨year⁩ ago⁩:

  I’ve been though divorce recently and despite being very amicable, it’s caused me to reset - some things broke, but being more emotionally open has been one of the good things. I’m still pretty reserved but a few things are different:

  • I care a lot less about conforming to “ideals” or how anyone judges me. That means I no longer feel the fear and second guess everything I say.
  • When appropriate, I ask people - especially other men - how they’re doing and gently push for a genuine answer. No one’s reacted negatively to that, so far.
  • With my kids, I simply do the opposite to my father. I tell them I love them, I take an interest in them, and I take their feelings seriously. I don’t coddle them, but I want them to feel secure and confident in talking to me. They’re still young, so we’ll see.
  • During work 1:1s, I take a genuine interest in people, most will subtly drop hints that they had a bad weekend or are feeling tired or stressed. I used to gloss over that, now I’ll ask about it and say I’m happy to listen. A surprising number will go on to share, with the bonus that it builds trust.
  • If someone asks how I am, I won’t lay it all out for them, but I’ll be honest. Most people empathise and tell you they’ve been through similar. It’s never been awkward, and I’ve found out nearly everyone I know is pretty anxious and is going through difficult stuff.

  As an aside, I never watched much porn because I found it so cold and alienating. It’s interesting that you doing the opposite. Anyway, I’ll stop there and wish you well!

• ⁨Comment⁩ on ⁨Got laid off today.⁩ ⁨⁨1⁩ ⁨year⁩ ago⁩:

  That’s a very good idea. Hopefully I’ll never need to do it, but great advice.

• ⁨Comment⁩ on ⁨there is Indeed a problem⁩ ⁨⁨1⁩ ⁨year⁩ ago⁩:

  Haha, yeah you might be onto something there. It felt like a way to pull the rug from under people to see how they cope, which wasn’t nice. I try to put people at ease in interviews, rather than try to catch them out.

  I was ambushed with a “so, what do you do for fun?” once and the sudden context switch made me pause for so long that I must’ve seemed like I had no life outside of work 😬

• ⁨Comment⁩ on ⁨there is Indeed a problem⁩ ⁨⁨1⁩ ⁨year⁩ ago⁩:

  The only possible use I could imagine, was to test how people respond to irrelevant stupid questions, since that happens a lot in some workplaces. Do they get frustrated and make it awkward, or shrug it off politely.

• ⁨Comment⁩ on ⁨there is Indeed a problem⁩ ⁨⁨1⁩ ⁨year⁩ ago⁩:

  In my industry, practical interviews are very common, but they’re not always reliable. I can get as much from asking someone about their process and being talked through a case study they’ve chosen, as giving them a practical exercise to perform on the spot. I’d usually do both.

  I’m not disagreeing with the overall inefficiency and frustration of the whole process, I’ve felt it on both sides. It’s messy - bad or overstretched HR teams, slow managers, unclear budgets, poor choice of tech platforms…

• ⁨Comment⁩ on ⁨there is Indeed a problem⁩ ⁨⁨1⁩ ⁨year⁩ ago⁩:

  I feel like these are the real issues - I can’t tell if OP is meant to be a joke … “You forget the check the website and you miss the time”. I mean, that’s on you. Also it seems to me very easy to know the words an interviewer wants to hear, the real danger is that the job IS NOT as advertised.

  The number of interviews I used to it in on, and wonder WTF the interviewer was thinking… One asked a service designer “if you were a type of cake, what would you be?”

• ⁨Comment⁩ on ⁨"Sponsored recommendations": I pay for Spotify Premium, and yet somehow I'm still the product?⁩ ⁨⁨1⁩ ⁨year⁩ ago⁩:

  It’s the least offensive type of advertising I see day to day. I couldn’t care less how my listening data is shared, and I don’t understand the zero tolerance some people have for adverts - it’s not all bad

• ⁨Comment⁩ on ⁨When you cut your own hair with clippers which side do you use the left/right ear taper guards on?⁩ ⁨⁨1⁩ ⁨year⁩ ago⁩:

  I’ve been cutting my own for years, never considered using a taper guard. Hmm.