How do you (easily) respect boundaries?

Submitted ⁨⁨2⁩ ⁨years⁩ ago⁩ by ⁨Amicchan@lemmy.ml⁩ to ⁨asklemmy@lemmy.ml⁩

For me, trying to respect boundaries tires me out more. idk why.

I struggled to respect boundaries as a child and early teenager. I think I still struggle to respect boundaries; but I am uncertain because I haven't talked to an acquaintance in 7 months.

As a child and early teenager; I constantly hit on my female friends. (I don't know why.)

I keep looking at people's feet and it tires me. I don't know if I developed a foot fetish; or it's just a habitual behavior that I developed because I hate eye contact.

I know that ignoring boundaries can cause health problems long term.

My reasoning for this behavior:

I do get pressured by my parent to go to the store with them because, to me, they're ~40 and may struggle to transport groceries.
After 8 years age, I used to be pressured to go to church; but that stopped when I became a teenager.
I only hungout with a friend at home once. Usually I only have acquaintances. Maybe I have less experience with friendship.

I think I feel pressured to go along with everything.

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Comments

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realcaseyrollins ⁨2⁩ ⁨years⁩ ago
This is fascinating. Personally I've actually struggled with enforcing boundaries, but those that are my own rather than those of others. I similarly was often pressured by parents and was even disallowed from having boundaries at all, but that was only one-sided, so I got used to respecting others' boundaries and ignoring my own.

I've communicated this to my roommate, and he's gotten better at making sure that he's not crossing my boundaries (or boundaries I want to have but suck at enforcing lol) just by asking multiple times if it's okay to keep going with something (especially with talking to me while I'm doing something else), and at the end saying "you can say no". I've found that incredibly helpful and validating, and perhaps if you do the same, it could have a similar effect.
- Amicchan@lemmy.ml ⁨2⁩ ⁨years⁩ ago
  I just did a job application to Publix yesterday; my parent kept pressuring me to do it over a year. I didn't receive a call of interview confirmation though.
  
  I'm uncertain if it was a good idea to cave in to her request. I don't know if I should have held a boundary then; maybe it's just anxiety.
  
  I don't feel like bagging is a job for me; I disliked constantly being near people in school. How would changing the location to a Publix store change anything?
  
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  - realcaseyrollins ⁨2⁩ ⁨years⁩ ago
    That's a good point. If you really, really did not want to apply to the job, and furthermore didn't think it was something you should do, then yes, you should have held a boundary buuuuuuut that is far easier said than done lol
greensand@lemmy.ml ⁨2⁩ ⁨years⁩ ago
Being pressured can backfire, like in your case. It's a 1st step to realize what the causes are for the urge of trespassing boundaries.

The next step would be to not go along with everything, but to say no when you feel that it's starting to overwhelm you.

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- Amicchan@lemmy.ml ⁨2⁩ ⁨years⁩ ago
  This is good advice. I'll try to utilize it in the future; but I'm pretty forgetful so it may take some time.
  
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