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The original was posted on /r/AmItheAsshole by /u/Hour-Piano4382 on 2023-10-02 23:08:37.

I (44M) have been with Penelope (39F) for the last 9 years. We each had a daughter prior to getting together. My daughter is Amanda (17F) and hers is Daniella (17F). When my wife and I first moved in together, we both decided that each of us would only discipline our respective daughters.

For the past 5 years, Daniella has been eating a crazy amount of food. She’s put on so much weight (200lbs+) that she’s borderline obese if not already. I had concerns that she had an eating disorder and suggested to my wife that she put her in therapy because this isn’t healthy. However, my wife dismissed my concerns and told me she’s a “growing girl” who needs to eat. The problem is she was also taking food that didn’t belong to her. For example, I once bought a box of protein bars for myself only to find out later they were all gone before I had a chance to eat even one bar. Amanda’s best friend gave her a piece of cake to bring home for her birthday and that also disappeared. We later found out that Daniella had eaten them. The girls had so many fights because Daniella was taking food without asking. It got so bad that I had to get Amanda a mini fridge so that she could keep food for herself in her room.

For the past couple of years, Amanda has been getting interest from boys. Daniella hasn’t been getting as much. It’s not because she’s ugly. She has a pretty face but combined with how unhealthy she is, it’s not a surprise she doesn’t get asked out often.

Daniella doesn’t take it too kindly. She’s made a lot of passive aggressive remarks about the boys in her class like how they have “shit taste in women” and “all men are losers”. She’s made many comments like that. I didn’t say anything because I didn’t want to encroach on my wife’s boundary but I should have.

Anyway, Amanda has had a crush on a boy for a while now and he recently asked her out. I was in the kitchen making a sandwich when she excitedly told me about it and where they were planning to go. I was obviously delighted for her. Daniella was in the living room watching tv. She overhead us and passed a comment “boys will go after any chick who opens their legs”. I told her that’s not a nice thing to say and asked her to apologize. She replied “I’m not apologizing to this slut”. I saw Amanda had tears running down her face. I just got so angry. I yelled at Daniella and said it’s none of her business who Amanda dates and the only reason she isn’t getting dates is because she’s fucking fat.

Daniella burst into tears and went to complain to her mom. That started a big argument and I told her she needs to parent her daughter and tell her to keep her nasty remarks to herself. They ended up going to my MIL’s house to spend the night. When I talked to my sister, she said I should have handled the situation more delicately since Daniella is still a child and clearly having self-esteem issues. However, I only said what I did to defend my daughter. So AITA?