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The original was posted on /r/AmItheAsshole by /u/ThrowawayNewRing on 2023-09-22 17:21:00.

I’m (26M) proposing to my girlfriend (24F) on our 4th anniversary, September 30th. I’ve been planning this for about a month, and I picked the ring a couple weeks ago. The one I got was on sale, so I managed to get it at a surprisingly low price.

Last weekend, I told my brother (33M) about my plans, and showed him the ring. He informed me that he was proposing to his girlfriend (29F) as well.

The next day, my brother came to my apartment while my girlfriend was out. He asked me if he could “borrow” my ring to propose to his girlfriend.

I thought he was joking at first, but no. His plan was to propose to his girlfriend, explain he was using my ring as a “placeholder” and then take her to pick her own ring later. His reasoning was that he didn’t want to spend too much money right away in case she didn’t say yes. I’d never heard of “placeholder rings”, so I said no and the conversation moved on.

On Tuesday, he proposed to his girlfriend. With my ring. He’d taken it before leaving my apartment. I got distracted at work and didn’t notice it was gone until his fiancée sent a picture of herself wearing the ring to our family group chat.

I called him to ask about the ring, and he immediately apologized and said he’d “keep his promise” and give it back to me. But at this point, my girlfriend had seen it and his fiancée had posted about it on social media, so it was pointless for me to propose using the same ring.

We fought about it, and he confessed that while he’d told his fiancée the ring was a placeholder, he didn’t tell her where he’d gotten it from.

I felt more angry and betrayed about him going behind my back and taking the ring after I said no than the fact that he stole it. I also know his fiancée enough to know she wouldn’t like to learn her engagement ring had been stolen from me, so I told my brother I’d tell her the truth if he didn’t buy me a new engagement ring.

He fought against it for a few hours, but finally gave up and agreed. We went to a different jewelry store yesterday, and I picked a new ring. I managed to stay in the price range, but the new one was still $100 more expensive.

My brother bought the ring, but is still accusing me of being inconsiderate and childish. He is insistent he would have given me the ring back had I given him the opportunity, and I didn’t need to threaten him to spend so much money on him. He’s now refusing to talk to me.

I don’t know how to feel about this anymore. I’d usually talk to my brother about these things, and it’s surreal that he’s the one I’m fighting. I can’t tell my fiancée, and many of our friends overlap.

The only other person who knows about this is our mom, who’s divided: she thinks what my brother did was wrong and I’m right to be pissed at him, but I didn’t have to stoop as low as I did by threatening his relationship.

AITA?