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The original was posted on /r/AmItheAsshole by /u/Secure-Flamingo-2026 on 2023-09-21 17:16:09.

I (24F) just moved out on my own for the first time after graduating from college. I have been dating my boyfriend (23M) for almost a year and a half now. I have never been in a long term relationship before, but he has been in a few. Yet, he never went to college and has been living at home his entire life.

Side note before I continue, it’ll help to know that his dad had an accident and suffered from a “brain anoxia” injury three years ago. He has to help take care of his dad with his mom as well as help raise his 14 year old brother. His dad is now fully disabled. He lost his eye sight and is considered “full time care.”

As of now, he’s been living with me 98% of the time and has not helped pay for rent, utilities, or internet. He has bought groceries twice and paid for a lot of little things (light bulbs, toaster, decor, eating out, etc.) I told him it has to change moving forward. Another note to know is that my job is an hour and a half of a commute away. His job is very different as he only commutes 30 minutes.

This past week, he asked me if it was okay for his family and hometown friend who is in the military come over for dinner. I said I prefer for it to not be on a weekday. But we would be out of town this weekend with my mom and his friend would be leaving on Monday. So a weekday was his only choice. He told me he would cook and have everything ready by the time I got home and I wouldn’t have to do anything.

I came home around 6:45 PM that day and everyone was already there. They actually had been there for almost an hour. They made themselves perfectly comfortable. It made me so mad. So i stayed quiet. I helped serve dinner, I cleaned up the kitchen for everyone, then we all chatted and they left around 8:30.

As my boyfriend and I went to bed that night, he expressed to me how he didn’t appreciate the way I acted. He even said I was acting like a bitch. I told him, “You invite YOUR family and YOUR friend into MY apartment that you don’t 100% live in yet, nor have helped pay ANY rent and have the nerve to call me a bitch because I was not in a social mood? The audacity.” I was furious. He apologized soon after, but still stood by what he said. I told him that I didn’t mean to come off that way and I’m sorry you feel that way, but you still had no right.

I understand he wants me to be close with his family, I do too, but I have my limits. He has a completely different relationship with his parents than I do with mine. So I’m trying to be accommodating and supportive, but like I said, I have my limits. Especially when it comes to my home.

I then proceeded to tell him the next day that it is now a boundary for us that as long as he lives with me in my apartment, family or parents (on both ends) can’t come over on weeknights. If I’m working from home, then we can discuss, but otherwise the answer is no. AITA?