This is an automated archive made by the Lemmit Bot.
The original was posted on /r/AmItheAsshole by /u/Old_Medicine3667 on 2023-09-09 14:40:03.
I (33F) and my husband (34M) have been together for four years. We got married six months ago and I’m now pregnant. Soon we will have a party to celebrate with family and friends.
The problem is that my husband doesn’t see his family. When my husband was young he had anger issues and was also a drug addict. When he was 18, he was in prison for 14 months after getting into a fight. After he went to prison, his whole family cut off contact with him and after he was released from prison they didn’t want to see him.
My husband struggled a lot after he got out of prison, but he found a job and went to therapy. This was all before I met him. My husband is now one of the most mentally healthy people I know. He has a decent job and doesn’t do drugs.
My husband would sometimes say that he missed his family, but he never had the courage to contact them. So I tried to contact his family to do him a favor. My goal was to get them to see him, and if they decided to patch things up, invite them to the party and make my husband happy.
I found a cousin of my husband’s from his old Facebook and texted her. I told her about his current life and that I wanted to get in touch with his family. I talked to his cousin for a while and found out that my husband’s sister had died two years ago. I was really in shock, I certainly didn’t expect that.
The cousin said she can’t give me his family’s phone number but she would tell them the situation and get back to me later. The next day she texted, and it seems that his family still doesn’t want to see my husband.
I shouldn’t have spoken to his cousin in the first place. My intention was to do something kind, but now I have two secrets I’m keeping from my husband. He has really suffered enough in this life. I don’t want to tell him these things and upset him more but I feel like he has a right to know. WIBTA if I kept it from him that his family doesn’t want to see him and that his sister died?
intensely_human@lemm.ee 1 year ago
If I had a magic wand that could make women understand one thing about male psychology it is this: we value honesty above all other things.
It does not matter how noble your intentions are. Any lie whatsoever will harm your relationship with a man. Period.
We don’t want you to manage our feelings. We don’t want you to protect us from the truth. We want you to tell us the truth.
That’s all there is to it.