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The original was posted on /r/AmItheAsshole by /u/Important_Yak6066 on 2023-08-12 08:41:47.

I(56m) adopted my son “Eric”(21m) when he was 14. He used to live with his mom. Eric and his mom weren’t in the best situation. Basically, his mom would start dating someone, move in with them, eventually break up with them, and move out. Eric and his mom moved next door to me when he was just starting school, and the only reason we started talking is because the path he took to walk home is on the route I walk my dog. After about a week, we started talking and we’d talk to each other just about every day. Around 6 months after Eric moved next door, he told me he had to move again. From our talks, I could tell that his home life wasn’t great and that the constant uprooting was negatively affecting him. I liked him and knew he could thrive if he had a stable home life.

I talked to his mom about the possibility of him living with me until she could get things figured out, and she asked me if I would adopt him. Long story short, within the next couple months, Eric was officially my son. His mom pretty much dropped off the face of the earth since he moved in with me. I really wanted him to have a relationship with both of his parents but his dad was putting his wife and stepkids first (and being blatantly obvious about it) and his mom disappeared. His dad didn’t even step up to take in his son and that broke my heart. He didn’t see much of his dad. It was only occasional visits (and by occasional I mean like 4-5 times a year) but I was always civil to him for Eric’s sake.

Eric’s doing great, he’s in university and he has an amazing girlfriend. I’m so proud of him. His 21st birthday is today. Him and his girlfriend spent the day together and I met them at a restaurant for dinner. I got to the restaurant, parked, and was walking in when his dad came up and said hi. The fact he even showed up rubbed me the wrong way. He only showed up for Eric’s “milestone birthdays” (16,18,19 and now 21) and all he does is stay for 5 minutes and take a few pictures then he leaves. Eric’s talked to me about it and he said it feels like his dad cares more about preserving his image than being with his son on his birthday.

Anyway, I asked how long he’d stay and he said he’d stay for a little while, and, I’ll be honest, it set me off. I said “so you’re going to stay for 5 minutes, then leave after a few pictures. We’ll that figs not gonna fly tonight. Your whole operation’s a sham. You care more about your public image then you’re actual son. Tonight is Eric’s night. Either you come in and celebrate his birthday properly or don’t come in at all.” Then I went inside. He had a hurt look on his face but I thought that was the end of it. We’re at home now, and I just got a long text from Eric’s dad. He accused me of “taking his only son away” (he and his wife don’t have any kids together). He looked like he was about to cry when I went off on him, and in the moment, it felt like the right thing to do, but now I feel like I maybe went too far.