This is an automated archive made by the Lemmit Bot.

The original was posted on /r/AmItheAsshole by /u/relf218 on 2023-07-28 06:38:51.

Hello, I am 31 years old M met this lovely lady and started dating. After a while, I asked her about her financial view post marriage, she insists that our money must be in a common joint account so she can see my income. Then she insists that she would like me to add her to the house which I had worked really hard and saved up. She refused to do any prenup and refuse to compromise on anything related to finance. It’s basically her way or no way. I do not trust others to manage my finance, so I said I need her to earn my trust by showing me how well she can actually managed herself financially. She said no, but eventually maybe (Never happened even when we are engaged).

She also insists that whatever she saved up on her own until marriage is solely her money. I found it very unfair how whatever I saved up somehow she is entitled to it, while herself wouldn’t see her saving as family property. She said that I am a man, and it’s my role and responsibility, and that there is no fairness in this world. Apparently I shouldn’t think about divorce at all and I shouldn’t even worry about it, but in my opinion she is basically protecting herself from the case of divorce.

Then strangely she came at me a few months ago and set a deadline for marriage. Never once asked if I am ready or financially okay since interest rate keep climbing. She needs the diamond ring but the deadline paid by me. I really love her so I still proposed. At the end, we went to register for an appointment to sign the official paper for marriage. The very same day, our parents met and I heard how her parents believe in the Chinese tradition where the groom side of family must pay them money to be able to marry their daughter. I felt really uncomfortable, she is asking for all the financial power in the relationship, she wants the house, she wants to keep her money, and they think I need to pay them money to get to marry their daughter. I decided to draw the line today and broke up the very next day, I was shouted at by her family, because apparently I am looking down on them by thinking that they are money driven. They called me cheap and irresponsible for cancelling the marriage. Am I the asshole?