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The original was posted on /r/nfl by /u/eattwo on 2024-02-21 21:16:06.

In this season’s playoffs, the team starting the quarterback with first and last names most similar in length won in every single game.

Let’s take a look shall we? Starting with the Wild Card round.

The Buffalo Bills vs the Pittsburgh Steelers:

The Bills’ QB is Josh (4) Allen (5) 4 - 5 = -1

The Steelers’ starter was Mason (5) Rudolph (7) 5 - 7 = -2

Allen’s first and last name are closest in length, so the Bills win.

KC vs Miami:

Patrick (7) Mahomes (7) 7 - 7 = 0

Tua (3) Tagovailoa (10) 3 - 10 = -7

Easy win for KC

Texans vs Browns:

C.J. (4 *periods count) Stroud (6) 4 - 6 = -2

Joe (3) Flacco (6) 3 - 6 = -3

Texans take it

Dallas vs Packers:

Jordan (6) Love (4) 6 - 4 = 2

Dak (3) Prescott (8) 3 - 8 = -5

Clear domination by the Packers

Detroit vs Rams:

Jared (5) Goff (4) 5 - 4 = 1

Matthew (7) Stafford (8) 7 - 8 = -1

We are looking for the resulting value to be closest to 0, so this appears to be a tie.

However, Matthew Stafford frequently goes by Matt Stafford (4 - 8 = -4), So the Lions take this.

Eagles vs Buccs:

Baker (5) Mayfield (8) 5 - 8 = -3

Jalen (5) Hulu Has Live Sports (17) 5 - 17 = -12

A clear win for the Buccs here.

Now this has clearly worked perfectly for every single Wild Card game, what about the Divisional Round?

Texans vs Ravens:

CJ (2) Stroud (6) 2 - 6 = -4

Lamar (5) Jackson (7) 5 - 7 = -2

Ravens take an easy dub

Chiefs vs Bills:

Patrick (7) Mahomes (7) 7 - 7 = 0

Josh (4) Allen (5) 4 - 5 = -1

Close game, but Chiefs take it

Packers vs Niners:

Brock (5) Purdy (5) 5 - 5 = 0

Jordan (6) Love (4) 6 - 4 = 2

Niners win

Lions vs Tampa:

Jared (5) Goff (4) 5 - 4 = 1

Baker (5) Mayfield (8) 5 - 8 = -3

The Lions move on

Still working perfectly? What about out last three games? (I’m not doing the math no more, y’all get it)

Ravens vs Chiefs

Mahomes has a value of 0, Lamar has -2… Chiefs win.

Niners vs Lions

Purdy has a value of 0, Goof has 1… Niners take it.

Niners vs Chiefs

Both Mahomes and Purdy have an equivalent value of 0, so naturally we tie break using the head coaches.

Andy (4) Reid (4) : 4 - 4 = 0

Kyle (4) Shanahan (8) : 4 - 8 = -4

The Niners had no chance.

What can we take from this? The NFL is controlled by a secret cabal who love their quarterbacks with first and last names of similar lengths. I will be taking no questions.