You are sharing very deep observations about yourself.

About your mother and her impact on you wanting to start a family, take a look at raisedbynarcicissts communities or speak to a therapist.

For friends connection, try joining a board game club in your area. They really don’t care about autistic traits.

I’d recommend minimising the amount of commercial media you are viewing, and switch to mostly consuming open-licenced media for a while.

Audio books: librivox.org

Movies: vole.wtf/voleflix

Nursing, and care professions like teaching or ambulance drivers, can often be squeezed to rely on the compassion of the individuals in them. Do you have balance within your position. Is it time to retrain for something else at night-school? Or time to go to 3 or 4 days a week.

Take some pride, every single day nurses help people to stay alive.

The Stoic Reading app on FDroid may help you find some philosophy that motivates or solidifies a purpose.

Travel to a different town and meet random people, introduce yourself using your middle name. Invest nothing in making long term friends, just chat.

You actually sound quite aware of many things around you, finding opportunities for hobbies or artistic endeavours, where you do not overthink things, would help.

Remember that everyone is doing their best with what they know, and to let some things go.

All the best for your future.