Most times my judgment of dishonesty based on dogwhistles is accurate. This isn’t the bogeyman, it’s the norm for conversation, you’re the exception.

If someone says a slur to me, sure they might mean the best, but 95% of the time a slur means they’re being a dick. So I’m gonna tell good-meaning people to stop using that slur, or they’re gonna get grouped in with the 95% by someone at some point.

(Not saying that “female” is a slur, but 95% of the time someone uses it they way you did they’ve got some misogyny)