Comment on This moon decoration my wife got
CoggyMcFee@lemmy.world 2 months agoI don’t know if you realize how condescending it sounds to hear you say you “don’t want to ruin whatever enjoyment she gets out of it” by telling her… what? That you arbitrarily look down on the use of this absolutely grammatical construction?
The thing that bothers me most about stuff like this is that it is effectively some kind of “gotcha” that makes people feel foolish, like their natural, completely grammatical speech has errors, or something they should feel bad about.
toynbee@lemmy.world 2 months ago
Just to be clear in case I sound hostile in my response, I’m not trying to be and am genuinely trying to reach an accord here. No sarcasm or anything.
Condescending to … Whom? My wife? I know her quite well; in past situations where I’ve pointed out any flaw in something she enjoys (generally not grammar related), that has become the focal point of the object for her. The grammatical stylings of the candle label are not something she can practically fix, so if she enjoys the label and I point out that it differs from the grammar I was taught, I would achieve nothing but … Ruining her enjoyment of it. Sincerely asking, how would you have phrased this to be less condescending? I don’t think she would have interpreted it as such, but if I can express myself more kindly to anyone I’d be happy to.
I am sorry if I have offended you, even by proxy. As I said, I generally don’t comment on grammar (excluding in the context of my toddler and solely in an effort to help them learn). Certainly, when I do, I have no interest in a “gotcha” other than maybe when gently trolling a friend whom I know well enough to know that they won’t take it seriously. Even that is a stretch.
I try to use good grammar in the interest of expressing myself clearly because I find socialization and conversation challenging and am trying to ensure that my meaning is interpreted accurately. Because I’m trying to use good grammar, I pay attention to the rules I think I know and therefore probably notice if those rules aren’t followed. However, if I believe that I’ve accurately interpreted the intent behind another adult’s statement, there’s not much reason to comment on the grammar (other than positively, anyway).
I think you misinterpreted the intent behind my statement, but I fully accept that perhaps I’ve expressed myself poorly. If that is the case, I thank you in advance for helping me to learn.