Not a professional, just another meat bag trying to figure his own stuff out. Good job on the introspection. Some times just seeing our own behavior can be difficult. Getting help from a professional is always a good plan. Until then, I would suggest continuing to be mindful of that you do this and make a focused effort to pay attention to the emotions your are feeling when you do these things. Other than that, what are the things you DO want to do? When you you try take these new actions, what are your emotions at these times?

P.S. Being more self aware is a skill. Don’t be surprised if it your not very good at it to start.