I was a sleep walker as a kid. I’d have vivid dreams that made sense in the dream, but were complete jibberish to anyone who saw me acting them out.

One time a babysitter saw me doing this, thought I was awake, and argued with me.

All the babysitter saw was me open the door to her room, walk past her, dragging a blanket behind me, and attempt to open the door to the hallway that lead down a flight of stairs.

She asked “Where are you going?” And I just said “Pittsburgh”. She was like “You’re not going to Pittsburgh! How would you even get there?”

And I said “The bus is going to Pittsburgh.”

And she said “Why are you bringing my blanket to Pittsburgh?”

And I said “What blanket?”

And said “The one in your hand.”

I said “Thats a football.”

And she starts laughing, and asks “Why are you bringing a football to Pittsburgh???”

And I said “The Browns need this football. They’re waiting for me.”

And she could not stop laughing, but also making sure I didn’t walk down the stairs. By now realizing I’m not awake. Her fear was that I’d just fall down the stairs. She didn’t realize that at home I sleep walked down stairs all the time. Like…nightly.

She just kept laughing, which in my dream, she was the teacher, and she wouldn’t let me step on the bus, and was openly laughing at me, for trying to deliver the ceremonial opening season football on Monday Night Football. This was in the late 80s, when the Browns weren’t a joke.

I kept telling the teacher to step aside, because I had destiny ahead of me. And everything I said, made my teacher laugh more and more at how she thought I was stupid for thinking she’d let me on the bus.

Back in reality, the babysitter was hearing me talk more and more insane. And she found it hilarious, but didn’t want me to fall down the stairs.

The next morning, my babysitter made fun of me.