I once stopped in urgent need of a toilet at the dirtiest little gas station in the middle of nowhere, with a stunningly filthy toilet. After doing my business I stood and, facing the toilet, flushed. It was an old flush mechanism where the water just kind of fell in from all sides, causing a kind of trapped tsunami to eject a single drop of fresh poop water 7 feet up in the air and down straight into my mouth.

If my many decades of life have taught me anything, it’s to close my mouth when flushing or scrubbing the toilet.