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To use an analogy, imagine you’re fat and trying to lose weight. Someone admits they are attracted to you, “sure, as long as you’re still fat”. Can you see how this would not be a good basis for a healthy relationship?

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Omniraptor@lemm.ee ⁨5⁩ ⁨months⁩ ago
So yeah, I can see why a queer friendly instance would defederate an instance whose admins promote/defend that sort of rhetoric. Hexbear might have jumped the gun (as I told them at the time) but the blahaj admins weren’t great either

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Cryophilia@lemmy.world ⁨5⁩ ⁨months⁩ ago

You could even say it is a sign of a “chubby chaser”. Likewise for transness.

Yeah, if you’re deeply stupid. Or, as you suggested, so traumatized by life that you have no understanding of normal human interrepationships. Just because you are open to the idea of having sex with a fat person, that does not make you a chubby chaser. That’s not at all what that means.

In your analogy, the proper response for the fat person would be “that makes me feel bad” and NOT “you are a bad person”. Take some ownership for your feelings. People are allowed to have sexual preferences. That is 100% normal. If it’s triggering for you, then it’s on you to manage your response, not lash out.

Also, people are overly sensitive

Understatement of the year. I think we need to acknowledge that some trans communities can get extremely toxic. Woe unto you if you get caught in their crosshairs for whatever reason. Sure, this may stem from trauma or transphobia/discrimination, but we shouldn’t pretend it’s not a thing.

My pet theory is that trans people are excluded from so many groups that groups of trans people by necessity get very insular. And insular groups tend towards shittiness, almost universally.

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- Omniraptor@lemm.ee ⁨5⁩ ⁨months⁩ ago
  It’s not just being attracted, it’s being attracted conditional on the person having x characteristic (that they might not even want to have). That’s the definition of fetishizing/objectifying.
  
  I will grant that this is more of an issue for relationships than for more casual stuff. As a wise woman once said- chasers are gross, but they also help pay her rent, so really it’s impossible to say if they’re bad or not.
  
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  - Cryophilia@lemmy.world ⁨5⁩ ⁨months⁩ ago
    
    It’s not just being attracted, it’s being attracted conditional on the person having x characteristic
    
    Wait
    
    So literally every single heterosexual or homosexual person is a “chaser”??
    
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    Omniraptor@lemm.ee ⁨5⁩ ⁨months⁩ ago
    Potentially yes, they can exhibit similar patterns. In fact lots of cishet women have also complained about being objectified because their (potential) dating partner is attracted not to the whole package but to a specific part of them- it’s a classic feminist talking point. The “chaser” label gets added when the person being objectified is marked as deviant in some way. But it’s def not just cishet men who are capable of it.
    
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AVincentInSpace@pawb.social ⁨5⁩ ⁨months⁩ ago
Some people like being fat. Some people like being women.

A person who likes bobs and vagene entering a committed relationship with a trans man would be toxic. Ditto for a person who likes fat people entering a committed relationship with someone who is trying to lose weight. That said, firstly, I don’t see anything wrong with a one-night stand for either of those scenarios, which is what the original question was, and secondly, more importantly, you’d have to stretch really hard to say that a person who’s into a little chub and a person who’s perfectly happy having a little chub entering a committed relationship is in any way problematic.

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- Omniraptor@lemm.ee ⁨5⁩ ⁨months⁩ ago
  Ok I went and looked it up, the original question in the screenshot was about specifically dating and specifically trans men. Not a one night stand, and not someone who likes being a woman
  
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