Society, in general, and through the lens of popular media, doesn’t think men are, or should be whole people. In general, women in media are often insecure, afraid, and act irrationally and emotionally because of past trauma. These traits are often part of a good person or a main character. Even horny thoughts can be part of “good guys” when they’re women. Girls and women can oogle attractive men on screen and make comments without it being a character flaw.

Men on the other hand are stoic and in control of their emotions and themselves. Losing control of temper, lashing out physically or emotionally as a male character is permitted mostly as a failure in a “failure and redemption” arc, or as a primary characteristic of a bad guy.

Fear, insecurity and trauma are often even unacceptable for villains to exhibit, let alone good guys. Horny thoughts are COMPLETELY unacceptable, and only the sleaziest of bad guys or minions will express any. Men should be attracted to the person’s mind only, not their body.

When good guys share their feelings, it’s often a story about a past trauma (daughter died, father never proud) where the emotional consequences are barely expressed in their day to day actions. At this point they’re permitted to shed a single tear, to show they’re deep and emotional. That’s generally what people expect when they ask a guy to share their emotions, a simple narrative that doesn’t affect most of day to day life, a VERY restrained display of emotions, then back to stoic male.

Anything more is permitted only for children and women.

I don’t believe it’s a conspiracy against men. I mostly understand where most of these tropes came from. For example it used to be that men on screen expressed horny thoughts and oogled women. However it was often from a perspective where the women had no agency and were completely objectified. This objectification of women was also present in society. Punishing men who objectify women and praising men who don’t was a big part of the change required from society by women’s liberation, entry into the workforce and feminism as a whole. Female characters expressing horny thoughts or oogling men is part of showing more compete female agency since sexuality is such a huge part of the human mindset. Nothing here is a conspiracy against men.

We’re at a good point in history to start showing that men can be whole and complete persons on screen and in real life. And I hope we start seeing it.