On top of that, I swear the UI changes 1-2 times per year with software updates. It’s hard to pinpoint since I’m usually 90% asleep when interacting with the alarm, but I know it has changed from tap to swipe and switched sides at least once since I got my last phone in 2022.

There is absolutely no reason for that shit. If you look at an old school alarm clock, the snooze button is the size of a small country, and there is usually a much smaller button or sliding switch to make damn sure you meant to turn the alarm off.