People are saying being funny and having confidence, and they’re right, and I’m going to tell your why that’s right. When being around you makes someone feel good, they will want to be around you more. That’s not exclusive to romantic relationships, it’s true also of friendships and business relationships, too.

An acquaintance asked me out not long ago, I declined. A mutual friend asked me “Why? He’s not bad-looking”. His looks had nothing to do with it, his negative personality had everything to do with it. The few times I’d talked with him, all he ever did was complain about stuff in general. The complaints were valid, but there’s nothing in a list of complaints that makes me think “I really liked taking to him today”. Complaints (without solutions) are inherently negative. I don’t need negative energy in my life, there’s enough of that already. It’s in going to add someone to my life, it’ll because he makes life better.

A big thing is having interests. You having a life and interests is interesting. Even if they’re not shared interests, you having something you love is having something that makes you happy. You being happy gives people positive feelings about you.

If your expectation is for someone to come and make you happy, then you are a happiness-sink. You drain joy from other people instead of mutually building up each other. No one wants a joy-drain, and I’ll be honest with you, your attitude is one of a drain.

So, the question is, how do you make a someone’s life better? Do you being laughter to her? Do you make her feel safe? Do you give her confidence in herself? Do you bring interest to her life? Do you make her feel heard and seen?

And to be clear, someone should do all those things for you mutually, too. Two people should be building *each other * up.