Comment on How do I get over my ex?
DashboTreeFrog@discuss.online 5 months ago
Finding closure of some kind I think. Keeping in mind why you broke up, why it didn’t work out, why there wasn’t a future in the relationship, etc.
The relationship before my current partner of over ten years was really intense, I thought she was really the one, she was what I had imagined my ideal type was for practically my whole adolescence. But a spot of long distance and her parents disapproval had us in a bit of on again off again, where during one drunk call to me, she admitted to kissing other guys (at the very least), and that was enough for me to just go, “oh, I think our expectations are too different”, and I was able to put a hard end to that. Yeah, I occasionally think of her, but more in the curious way you wonder about an old acquaintance.
I had a friend with a sort of similar situation to yours, he and his girlfriend mutually broke up when we were all graduating high school because her friends convinced her that long distance wouldn’t work out. It really messed both of them up, especially since they kind of stayed in contact. A lot of weird stories there, but not really mine to tell. But he talked a few times about all the “what-ifs” and it feels like that’s the hardest part in letting go of a relationship.
On the other hand, if you can convince yourself that the answer to “what if?” is basically “nothing good”, I think that can help. Though, easier said than done, it’s kinda like brainwashing yourself by focusing on all the negatives about them. Easy for me because of the cheating, but not so easy for my friend.
erev@lemmy.world 5 months ago
I think it really is the what ifs. She was the person I decided I would settle down and tamper my ambitions for. And then we broke up and it swept the rug out from under me. I’ve since decided to never make that decision again (my future plans will require me to maintain a very active and busy lifestyle) and not tamper my ambition for anyone, but that’s at the expense of properly “settling down” into a singular, stable place. But the what ifs on if things had gone differently or if I ever do see her again (very possible, we live in the same city and my parents don’t live too far from where she used to dorm). I am content with what I have now but I am skeptical of myself and worry that should I actually see her again, I may realize i feel differently. Rationally i know that what’s more likely is that two old friends will reconnect, and I’ll fully see that our parting was for the best, but I can’t help but wonder. Idk, this is gonna take a long time to fully debug and it’s so multifaceted that it always feels like you’re starting over. But mistakes do not define us or reset all our progress, they just remind us that we are fallible and thus human. They are to be learned from and grown from. Thank you for your insight, I truly appreciate it more than you know.