I can’t help but notice the generality statements like “I lament not being able to put into words exactly what I mean” and “why also copy the awful parts?”.

Do you know “Chesterton’s fence”? It’s the metaphor that you walk across a meadow and come upon a fence that’s in the way. That’s bothersome for you from walking there, so you want it gone.

But, the lesson supposed to be that if you don’t know why it’s even there, you shouldn’t remove it until you learn why. Might be that there are sheep there that need to be kept from running away or something like that, etc.