Comment on Anon questions the epidemic
sprightly_exigence@leminal.space 17 hours agoYes, due to a variety of factors, people are more isolated right now than they have ever been throughout history. It’s a real problem and since the underlying factors are systemic, it is going to be very difficult to turn around.
It’s not just if your spouse might divorce you, it’s that putting all your emotional weight on a single person is 1) destined to cause problems, 2) not actually how human beings are supposed to work. We’re highly evolved hypersocial pack predators. Different individuals have different levels of social need, but we do need it. Our brains are wired to hold iirc about 150 people in it for basic socializing - not all of those are going to be deep meaningful friendships, but even the acquaintances help us meet that social need of belonging and acceptance. So many men are essentially taught that their wife is their only emotional outlet, and that showing vulnerability with “the boys” is not acceptable and also possibly dangerous. And then they wonder why they feel unfulfilled - of course they do, you can’t put all that on one person, no matter how close you are with them.
UnequalExchange@lemmy.world 8 hours ago
I think the problem is both a QUANTITY AND QUALITY prorblem. Modern Men, and honestly this trend has started to extend ti all people of all genders too, are encountering relationships that have decreased in total number AND in intensity.
Like a person shouldnt be afraid to attempt ro befriend as many locals as possible to increase total number of relationships. but I think that people are becoming more and more isolated or rather more and more hikkikomori like , preferring to rely on online friends and online meetups or just eschewing meetups all together and even relying on fucking AI friends , so befriending numerous people is no longer as easily possible And also attempting to befriending many peoeple will probably get you called as ‘crazy’ by the locals of your city or municipality. This last point is probably more common in small villages and towns where small talk and rumours can circulate easier , get bigger and harder, and become monstrous towards the victim in particular.
BUT THEN there is also the problem of lack of relationship intensity. People arre more distrustful. EVERYONE has been successfully painted as a double-lifed prostitute or scam artist or a drug dealer or drug abuser. And we have fallen for the bait sadly. Its getting harder to trust people who you innstely see as having ulterior motives or criminalistic empire desires. And also friendships that are physically intimate and that involve hugging , kissing on the cheeck, holding hands , etc… are just straight up rarer these days. And this isleading to an increase in touch starvation. I hearin some parts of the East lile China, India , etc… it is normal to just hold your friends’ hand on a walk. Friends should not be shamed for holding a friends’ hand or for holding each other or for havingculturally significant , and intimate customs or greetings. I hear in Italy it is common to kiss your friends on the cheek , thats literally why isaish thomas and magic johnson started doing that when they faced off against each other lol. There is nothing wrong with that.
We are humans. We NEED friendships. We NEED vulnerability that wont be exploited. We typically suffer from touch starvation after a long enougb time has passed… .
NEVER let anyome make you hate yourself for your genetics or make you hate yourself , or hate your friends even, for you being a human.